


Tick, Tick...Boom!

by TeaGirl42



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternative Timeline, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, F/M, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Resolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-10-14 02:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20592989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGirl42/pseuds/TeaGirl42
Summary: Olivia finds Noah at 18-months-old after his mother has been murdered by his father. After enlisting Barba's (reluctant) help in taking care of him, they both fall in love with Noah and finally admit how they feel about each other - but a brief period of domestic bliss is soon threatened by outside forces.





	1. And Noah Makes Three

Olivia walked through to her office carrying a baby and followed not far behind by ADA Barba.

"He's a witness to the crime…" Olivia pointed out.

"He can't be more than a year-and-a-half," Barba said rolling his eyes, "…you want me to put him on the stand? Besides, the kid was in the next room."

"You saw how he reacted to Drake, Barba," she hoisted the little boy up on her hip and rested her hand on his head. "He might not have been in the same room, but this little man knows what happened."

Barba sighed, walked to a seat in front of her desk and sat down. "I still don't know what you expect me to do with this, 'Liv."

Olivia smiled at him patiently and moved to sit at her desk. "I'm not expecting miracles, Barba. I'm just saying let's work with the boy for a few days, I don't want to lose him into the system until we know what you can do."

Barba shook his head, still not entirely following.

"We talk to the judge and child services about taking him into my custody as a potential witness and you start looking into possibilities," Olivia suggested simply.

"You want to take him home with you?" Barba asked sounding genuinely surprised. "It's not a puppy!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and looked down at Noah Porter, who was happily playing with the badge on her hip.

"I know that, Barba," Olivia said a little sharply, "…but he is our only witness and I know you can't want to let go of this any more than I do."

Barba looked at the boy and let out a long sigh. He'd read the file – he couldn't even bear to imagine what Noah had already witnessed in his short life.

"You know I don't…" Barba admitted. "You get the next three days in order and I'll go to the judge…" He stood and walked towards the door. "I can't see it will be a problem…unless you have something lurking in your past that I don't know about? DUIs? Drug busts? Trafficking?"

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes, "I'm clean."

Barba nodded, "Okay, well I'll call you."

Olivia stood now and cut in sharply before he left the room, "Wait a minute, Barba. You're not leaving me to do this on my own!"

Barba looked nonplussed, "I don't…I don't know anything about babies…"

"What? And I do, I suppose?" Olivia looked a little panicked.

"Well, you're a…" he paused awkwardly.

"Please tell me that you weren't seriously going to say, 'Well, you're a woman.'?" Olivia asked with a mixture of outrage and amusement.

"No…" Barba looked guilty. "Well, maybe…" he rolled his eyes and added, "I might have panicked a little."

Olivia smiled at his genuine repentance affectionately, "Please don't leave me alone on this, Barba. I thought we were partners?"

Barba looked even more pained, "You're really going to make me do this, aren't you?"

"We're two capable adults, we can look after this little boy for a couple of days…and it will give you a chance to get to know him. You know that will help the case," Olivia argued, genuinely surprised that Barba seemed to be yielding already.

"I…don't…" Barba winced. "How would this even work?"

"You go see the judge and explain the situation. Then meet us back here and we can go shopping on the way home. We'll need diapers, and food, and I guess a bed…we should get some toys…" She smiled down at the little boy and Barba looked even more exasperated.

"You actually want me to go and argue to the judge that the lead prosecutor is going to come to stay with the lieutenant in charge of the case while we take care of an eighteen-month-old witness and try to prep him for trial?" Barba asked looking distressed.

Olivia smirked, "I'm sure you can make it sound better than that, counsellor."

Barba's mouth hung open a little, "Liv, it sounds like an 80s comedy starring Steve Guttenberg!"

_TBC..._


	2. Reassurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, @Gabriela_Najera - I'd already written this chapter and had decided to jump straight over to arriving 'home' with Noah...the little chat to the judge might have to be left to our imaginations. Although I think it will probably come up again later in a slightly different form!

Barba pushed three large boxes across the threshold into Olivia's apartment and then picked up two overfilled bags. "I'm not sure we needed all this for a few days, and you know you won't we able to claim this back?"

Olivia turned and shrugged, still holding Noah securely in her arms. She eyed one of the boxes and then walked towards Barba, "Hold him a minute and I'll open up this baby-walker, then we can put him in here and get ourselves organised."

Barba received the child with a look of pure panic and held him with his arms stretched out in front of him.

Olivia laughed, "He's not an unexploded bomb, Barba…" she turned the little boy in his arms and brought him to his side, "…there, and hold him against you."

Barba wrapped him against his body, he still looked a little terrified but Noah smiled up at him.

"There…" Olivia said happily, smiling at them both, "…I think he likes you!"

Barba smiled nervously down at the boy, a smiled that widened a little when he saw it returned.

"The kid has taste, Barba," Olivia laughed at her friend warmly and then began to open up the box.

"How do you know so much about children?" Barba asked, genuinely interested. He didn't even realise that he had naturally started swaying with his new friend.

Olivia nodded at them both, "A lot of it is instinct…"

Barba noticed his increasingly relaxed demeanour and nodded thoughtfully.

"Sadly, I also talk to a lot of child experts through work," Olivia explained.

Barba sighed and nodded.

Olivia quickly clipped together the base; dug out a couple of toys to attach onto the front, then smiled up at Barba and presented the finished walker.

"You're a baby-walker savant!" Barba declared. He walked over and bent to put the child in the seat but Noah held onto his shirt tightly, clearly unsure about the new contraption.

"Hey, little amigo," Barba said softly, "…it's okay, you'll like this, I promise."

Noah frowned at him, clearly unsure.

"Uncle Rafa would never lie to you, sweet boy," Olivia said softly and Barba felt his heart swell. "Why don't you give it a try?"

The little hand loosened and Barba kneeled to slowly place him into the chair.

Noah settled in and bounced a little, the chair bounced with him and Noah laughed – looking between Olivia and Barba with a surprised and excited expression on his face. _"Bong!"_ He shrieked happily and bounced again.

Olivia laughed, smiled at Barba and than looked back at Noah, "Yes! _Bong!"_

Noah bounced several times and then reached out to grab hold of the brightly-colored giraffe attached to the front. _"Yeeeey!"_ He laughed again, clearly overwhelmed with joy by…_everything._

Barba suddenly had to fight the tears welling at the back of his eyes. This little boy must have been through more pain in his short life than most people go through in a lifetime – but his ability to embrace joy was inspirational.

"So…erm…" Barba stood and walked towards the other boxes. "Where do you want the bed?"

Olivia considered the options then concluded, "Put it in with me, I have a few days off and you have to work. Hopefully, if he wakes in the night he won't wake you out here."

"You really don't mind me staying over…especially if you don't actually expect me to be contributing overnight?" Barba asked out of automatic politeness.

"Barba, I _asked _you to stay…this is a lot on my own. I'm sure we'll be fine, but knowing you're there if I need you will make me feel better, you know?" Olivia tried to explain.

Barba smiled - he hadn't been used to people leaning on him for a long time, so his friendship with Olivia Benson had taken him off-guard from the beginning. He wasn't sure what Olivia saw in him that no one else seemed to notice, but he wasn't about to try to convince her otherwise. "I'll put up the bed, you sort out his toys and food – it must be almost dinner time."

Olivia nodded, "If you need any help…"

"I'll call on the resident savant," Barba assured kindly as he lifted up the box to head towards her room.

"Wait…" Olivia said quickly.

Barba looked up and raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe do it in here? Then we can push it through? Unless you need some time out?" Olivia checked.

Barba looked surprised but then shrugged and nodded, "Sure, I can do that."

Olivia walked through to the kitchen area to get organised. As she worked her eyes kept lifting to check up on Noah…but then she noticed she kept looking to Barba as well. For some reason, she found his presence reassuring.

_TBC..._


	3. Diapers & Bedtime Stories

"Barba, I know I've let you off lightly overnight, but you're not skipping all the diaper changes," Olivia smile when Barba looked up at him from his work with a pained expression.

"I don't…" Barba started.

"There are a lot of things in life that we don't know how to do, _Barba_…until we actually do them…" Olivia scolded teasingly and walked towards him with Noah. "We need to change him before he goes down, our temporary 'family' is not going to be based on you bringing home the bacon while the little woman stays at home: cooks, cleans and changes diapers."

Barba looked as flustered as he felt, on _so _many different levels. He stood, slightly tripping over himself as he walked around the table and then held out his hands to take Noah.

Olivia passed over the content little boy and smiled, "You know I don't think I've ever seen you look so uncomfortable, Barba. Surely you don't find children this terrifying?"

Barba looked at Noah and winced a little, "I've never really spent much time around them. I mean, I don't not like them."

Olivia laughed now, "Rafael Barba and double negatives, you really are flustered!"

He sighed and looked at the ceiling in exasperation, "Give me a break, Olivia. I'm here aren't I?"

She felt bad and smiled at him affectionately. Yes, he was here, wasn't he? In spite of obviously being about as far out of his comfort zone as she had ever witnessed, Rafael Barba was here. In her apartment at 8 pm on a Thursday evening, about to change what she was certain would be his first diaper, and then sleep on her couch…just because she'd said that she needed her friend.

"You're one in a million, you know that right?" Olivia said with an affectionate smile.

Barba looked even _more _flustered now and brought his hand up to the back of Noah's head. He smiled and tried to brush past the compliment. "So…_diapers?"_

Olivia laughed and nodded, "Diapers. Place him on the mat, everything is there…now undo the tabs, fold them in so you don't get all tangled up…that's right…wipe…cream…new diaper…unfold the adhesive tabs…"

Barba's fingers got stuck and then he tried to pull them off, "Ah, cra…I mean…"

Olivia grinned at him, "That's fine, just peel them back carefully…then fasten around the front…perfect! Rafael, you're a natural!"

Barba wasn't sure what made him more pleased: Noah smiling up at him with his freshly changed diaper – or the way Olivia had called him Rafael.

* * *

Olivia straightened out Noah's bed and then walked through to collect him for the night.

She found him sitting happily bouncing in his walker, watching an oblivious Barba with apparent fascination as he worked on the case at a nearby table.

Olivia smiled and reached down to pick up the little boy. He reached up to her and went happily into her arms until they walked by Barba and Noah wiggled and reached out.

"Time for bed, sweet boy," Olivia cajoled softly and kept walking towards her room.

"Ba-ba…" Noah said and reached out towards the lawyer.

Barba looked up shocked to here a clear approximation of his name from the little boy. He looked at Olivia, clearly bemused.

"He likes you, Barba…" Olivia said with a proud smile, "…I think maybe he wants to say goodnight."

Barba still looked baffled but held out his arms. Noah moved happily towards him and the lawyer sat him on the table in front of him, perched on all of his papers.

"Are you going to bed?" Barba asked him.

Noah grinned and then reached out to touch his face, "Ba-ba…"

Barba laughed and looked at Olivia, "I think this proves that you've been demanding a lot from me this evening, he's clearly repeatedly heard you say my name."

Olivia laughed.

"Are you going to go to bed nicely for, Auntie Olivia? I bet she's going to read you a story…" Barba spoke to Noah so naturally that Olivia was almost surprised.

Barba stood, "I'll carry him through and say goodnight – then leave you both to enjoy your bedtime story." He didn't want to get in the way.

Olivia followed him through and watched as Barba placed him inside the crib. He ran his hand over his head gently and smiled. "Goodnight, little man, sleep well…" He whispered.

Olivia watched on and was alarmed to find tears welling in her eyes watching Barba and Noah. He looked up at her and smiled. "Any stories about ADA Barba making goo-goo eyes at this kid and I'll know where they came from," he teased as they passed on the way to the crib.

She rolled her eyes and smiled at Barba's attempt to roll back his moment of sentimentality. Picking up one of the books they had bought for Noah she sat on the side of her bed and started to read:

** _"Pipkin was a very small penguin who was always asking very big questions. How wide is the sea? How high is the sky? Is the moon made of cheese? But the thing he wanted to know most of all was…how big is a million?"_ **

Olivia looked up to see that Barba hadn't actually left. He stood hovering in the doorway watching them guiltily…like he felt he _should_ leave, but for some reason didn't want to. She smiled at him reassuringly and he smiled back, looking a little more relaxed as he leaned against the door frame showing no signs of leaving.

She smiled at Noah and then looked back at the book:

** _"He went to ask his Mama, but she was busy catching breakfast. (It's important to have a full tummy when you're asking such big questions.)"_ **

Olivia smiled over at Barba again and then added to Noah, "You can ask your Uncle Rafa all about that – he asks _lots_ of really big questions at work every day and he thinks breakfast and regular snacks are _very_ important!"

Barba chuckled in the corner and Olivia returned to the book.

_TBC..._


	4. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we all want Raúl to sing us a lullaby...

It was a little after 3 am when Olivia stirred and looked around the room. She couldn't figure out what had woken her at first but then looked at the empty crib near her bed with a baffled expression.

She slipped on her robe and walked carefully out of her bedroom.

Then as she approached the living area she heard Barba speaking softly.

"Let's let Auntie Olivia get some sleep, hey? You know she's had a long day _and_ she was up all of last night with you…" The room was dark and the only light came from outside. He stood near the window in the moonlight, gently bouncing the little boy as they looked out onto the city. "Not that she complained for even a second...you've had a hard few days haven't you, little amigo? But I don't want you to worry now, because your Auntie Olivia has your back…she won't let _anything_ happen to you…" he paused and stroked Noah's head gently then added, "…and neither will I."

Olivia felt a little breathless watching and listening to them. From her dark corner, she watched Noah play sleepily with Barba's t-shirt, his head resting comfortably on his chest. A couple of tears did fall down her cheeks now and she couldn't be 100% sure why.

Barba turned away from the window and sat on the couch, "You sleep, Noah…I've got you…" he whispered. Then Olivia heard him softly start to sing…

** _"Este niño lindo_ **   
** _Que nació de noche_**   
** _Quiere que lo lleven_**   
** _A pasear en coche._**

** _Duérmete mi niño_ **   
** _Duérmete mi amor_**   
** _Duérmete pedazo_**   
** _De mi corazón."_**

When they had both been silent for a minute or so Olivia turned carefully and tiptoed back to bed. She crawled under the covers, closed her eyes and tried to get back to sleep…but she was a little alarmed to acknowledge that her apartment had suddenly started to feel like a home.

* * *

When Olivia next opened her eyes the sun was shining and Noah was asleep in his crib. Almost like last night had been a dream, but the warm feeling in her heart told her that she knew better than that.

She looked at the time and saw that it was a little after six. Hearing movement outside she decided to leave Noah to sleep and get up…she felt an inexplicable desire to spend a little time with her friend.

When she walked out Barba was sat at the table fully dressed for work. He saw her and smiled, then nodded at the pot of coffee.

Olivia nodded, "Thank you…not that I need it, he slept through." She felt a little guilty for testing him but couldn't resist.

Barba raised his eyebrows in an approximation of surprise, then nodded as he got up and poured her some coffee.

He passed her a cup and then she smiled as she sipped. Olivia knew Barba could disseminate falsehoods with the best of them, but apparently when it came to her he was a terrible liar. She kind of loved that so decided to let him get away with this one.

They both sat at the kitchen counter in comfortable silence for a minute or so, before Barba finally observed, "This is weird isn't it?"

"Weird in that it doesn't feel all that weird?" Olivia clarified.

Barba chuckled softly and nodded, "Exactly."

"I don't think I've had my best friend for a sleepover since I was about fourteen…" She stopped and rolled her eyes, "…not that that was a regular occurrence at my place, but it did happen occasionally."

Barba smiled, both warmly and with a hint of sadness, he hated to think about the fact that Olivia Benson had had anything but a beautiful and idyllic childhood. "Is that what I am?" He said finally.

Olivia looked at him questioningly.

"Your best friend?" Barba asked with a smirk.

She laughed, "It sounds a bit high school when you put it like that…but I'd like to think so. I have close friends, but you're my rock, my go-to sounding-board, my…" Olivia paused and then shrugged. "You're _here_ aren't you? I wouldn't have asked anyone else…and to be honest, I don't think anyone else would have agreed."

He laughed again, secretly touched by her words, "It didn't feel like my presence was exactly _optional…"_

Olivia smiled and nodded gratefully, "And I think that is exactly the point."

Barba considered that for a second and then nodded. After a few beats, he added, "So you're both going to be home today? I think I could get finished up at work by mid-day. Maybe I could come back this afternoon and we could take him out? Just a walk around the park or something? I could always work tonight after he goes to bed."

"You're not serious?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

Barba looked embarrassed and she immediately felt awful for teasing him. "Well, I mean…work is slow and I just thought that you're going to have a long day…and you said that you aren't used to kids and…"

Olivia shook her head quickly and stood to walk over to him. "No, Rafael, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. That's really thoughtful. I've just rarely heard you take voluntary time off work before and I was surprised."

"If you think you'll be fine I can just…I didn't mean to assume that you wouldn't be okay…or that you needed my help…we both know I'm pretty useless when it comes to kids…" He was rambling now and that made Olivia feel even more awful for unintentionally embarrassing him.

_"Rafael!"_ She cut in. "I'd love to go to the park, and I know Noah will be happy to see you…I might even buy us all an ice-cream cone." Olivia grinned at him and Barba rolled his eyes.

"So…about 1? The park down the street?" Barba checked.

"Perfect," Olivia agreed and then found herself fighting an instinct to lean in and kiss his cheek. She looked down at the floor, blew out a short breath and then stepped away. Trying to break what abruptly felt like unexpected tension she laughed awkwardly. "I'm going to go and have a shower before Noah wakes, leave now before we accidentally find ourselves doing clichéd sit-com goodbyes!"

Barba smirked and automatically joked, "What? No kiss?"

Olivia paled and Barba suddenly seemed to realise what he'd said.

"I'm going to…" he pointed towards the exit, struggling to meet her eyes as he grabbed his work bag.

"Yeah…" Olivia smiled nervously.

"1?" He checked.

"1," Olivia assured.

Barba left and Olivia sank down in the nearest chair and covered her face…well, that got weird!

_TBC..._


	5. Nightmares

Olivia saw Barba walking towards them and smiled broadly. As soon as they were close enough Barba nodded at the stroller and raised his eyebrows.

"Alicia from downstairs saw me struggling a lent me Adam's…" She explained. "I need to have it back by 5."

Barba chuckled, "Timeshare strollers, I like it!"

Olivia laughed, "Well, we'll only have him for a few days so…" she suddenly trailed off and Barba's smile fell away.

He dropped down in front of the stroller and forced a weak smile, "Did you have a good day with Auntie Olivia?"

"Ba-ba!" Noah grinned and slapped his hands down on the bar in front of him.

Barba grinned genuinely up at Olivia now, "Can I take him out?"

"You don't need my permission, Rafael," She smiled.

Barba shrugged and pulled up the bar, he unclipped him and then lifted Noah up comfortably into his arms.

"It's nice to see you…" Barba looked up at Olivia, "…both."

Noah saw a large piece of shiny sculpture nearby and reached out towards it. "Ba-ba! See!"

Barba walked towards the sculpture and Noah reached out to touch it. He walked around and let Noah run his fingers over the colorful artwork, then looked through it and lifted Noah's hand to wave through the middle at Olivia.

Noah laughed when he saw Olivia on the other side and bounced happily in Barba's arms.

"Your husband and little boy are adorable," Olivia heard a voice next to her and turned to see a little old lady smiling at her warmly.

"I…" Olivia really meant to correct her, but then suddenly just…didn't. "Thank you," she smiled and looked over at them.

"He sure loves his daddy," the lady said kindly.

Suddenly tears swam in Olivia's eyes and the lady rushed to apologise, "Oh, I'm sorry my dear…I didn't mean to say something to upset you!"

Olivia rushed to shake her head and laughed, "No, I'm just being silly…I'm sorry."

The lady nodded and smiled, "You enjoy them, my dear. You're a _very_ lucky young woman."

Olivia watched her walk away and then swiped at her eyes quickly before Barba returned.

"What was that about?" He asked as he returned and they started walking, Olivia pushing the stroller and Barba carrying Noah.

She shook her head saying 'nothing', and then smiled, "She called me a 'young woman', I should spend more time around octogenarians - they are good for my ego."

Barba chuckled, "You're hardly old."

"We're hardly young," Olivia retorted teasingly.

"Speak for yourself!" He laughed and nudged her shoulder. Then after a few seconds added, "You're a beautiful woman, 'Liv, don't put yourself down."

Olivia swore her heart skipped a beat, then she smiled and nudged his shoulder in return, "Seems you're good for my ego as well…"

* * *

Noah woke up screaming at about 4 am the next morning, Olivia rolled and almost fell out of bed, before stumbling to her feet and rushing to the crib.

"Hey, sweet boy…what's wrong?" She asked softly. She felt his nappy and that was fine, and he shouldn't be hungry…Olivia frowned and rocked him as he screamed. "Come on sweetheart, you're going to wake Uncle Rafa, you don't want that do you, baby?"

As if magically summoned Barba appeared in the doorway rubbing his eyes, "Is he okay?"

Olivia looked up and shrugged, "Sorry, I know I said this was my shift."

He shook his head, dismissing her concerns, then stepped forward and placed his hand gently on Noah's forehead to see if he was hot.

"I don't know what's wrong; he shouldn't be hungry, he doesn't need changing…" she looked up at Barba with a pained expression, "…they don't have nightmares this young do they?"

Barba frowned, "God, I hope not…"

They exchanged a long look in the darkness of Olivia's bedroom and then noticed that Noah had quietened down and was lying in her arms watching them. His eyes were still watery and he looked a little lost and bewildered.

"Hey, niño pequeño…" Barba said softly.

"Ba-ba..." He replied weakly.

"Did you have a bad dream, sweetheart?" Olivia whispered and ran her hand down the side of Noah's face.

Noah babbled a little and seemed to be calming down. They both instinctively moved back towards Olivia's bed and she sat down with her back to the headboard.

She moved to lay him on the bed next to her and looked up at Barba. "Can you lie down on the other side? I don't want to put him back in the crib yet, but if I fall asleep I don't want him to fall off the bed."

Barba blinked but them walked around to lay on the other side with Noah between them. He turned on his side, his arm propping up his head as he looked down at Noah.

Olivia wiggled down her bed and mirrored his position.

"I don't…" Olivia started softly and then paused, "…I'm struggling to retain my professional detachment here, Rafael."

The atmosphere in the room now felt almost dreamlike - quiet and peaceful.

"I don't know what to say to you, Olivia…" Barba said sadly and rested his hand on Noah's chest gently.

"I know that you feel it too," she pushed a little more.

Barba looked up at her with slightly moist eyes and shook his head.

Olivia nodded and closed her own eyes in resignation. After a few seconds, she looked back at her friend, "Maybe we could all do with a goodnight song?" She grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

Barba raised an eyebrow, a slight half-smile on his face, "You woke up last night, didn't you?"

Olivia smirked, "I didn't want to disturb you, you looked so good standing in that window."

His eyes narrowed a little - silence seemed to fill the room until finally Noah made a noise and they both look down at him.

"Sing it for us again…" Olivia said softly.

Barba shook his head, smiled and rolled his eyes, "I can't sing, 'Liv…you don't _really_ want me to sing."

"Okay, so you won't make it on Broadway," Olivia teased lightly but then reached across to rest her hand on his forearm, "…but I really liked your voice, and Noah did too."

Barba looked down at her hand on his arm and then met her eyes again, "My Abuelita used to sing it to me whenever I had nightmares…"

Olivia lay her head down on the pillow and curled up a little next to Noah, he already looked like he was getting ready to fall back to sleep.

Barba lay and watched them both for a minute or so, both of their eyes slipped closed and he allowed himself to briefly imagine that this was his real-life…that in a couple of days he wouldn't be back to long undisturbed nights sleep in his peaceful (cold) bed.

** _"Este niño lindo_ **   
** _ Que nació de noche_**   
** _ Quiere que lo lleven_**   
** _ A pasear en coche."_**

He saw Olivia smile a little and edge closer to him. "Thank you, Rafa," she whispered softly.

** _"Duérmete mi niño_ **   
** _ Duérmete mi amor_ **   
** _ Duérmete pedazo_ **   
** _ De mi corazón."_ **

* * *

This time when Olivia woke and her eyes adjusted to the morning light she saw Noah and Barba sleeping next to her.

She didn't want to wake them, so lay as still as possible. They both looked so peaceful and she smiled…then felt an ache in her heart and closed her eyes.

"Olivia."

She heard Barba's soft voice and opened her eyes again.

"Sorry, 'Liv, I guess I fell asleep…I was going to put him back into his crib and return to the couch," Barba explained quietly.

Olivia shook her head, "No…no…it's fine. I liked… I mean, it's fine, really."

"I need to go into work," Barba stated.

"Yeah, I guess…" Olivia nodded.

"I'll talk to the judge again, she said we had a few days, but I…" He stopped and sighed.

"I know, Rafael. It's obvious that Noah can't testify to anything. You know, I'm not sure I even care anymore. I don't want him to remember anything," She looked down at the little boy and sighed. "It's less about the case now..."

Barba nodded, "You understand that when I bring this to the judge she is going to start arrangements for him to go into the system?"

Olivia sighed and nodded, "I know, Rafa."

"Better for Noah," Barba said reluctantly, "...more stable...a real home."

Olivia nodded, trying not to see the sadness in her friend's eyes, "It's not like we could go on playing house forever."

* * *

Olivia's phone rang at about 2 pm.

"Barba?" She answered quickly.

** _"We have an appointment with the judge on Monday at noon, she wants to talk to his 'temporary guardians' before deciding on a suitable placement."_ **

Olivia felt simultaneously relieved and nauseated. The confirmation was expected, but at least they had an extra day together.

"When will you be home?" She asked, not even realising what she'd said.

There was a brief silence and then Barba answered, **_"Erm…maybe an hour? It's Saturday and I thought I'd finish up early again."_**

"We could go back to the park, it's a nice day…" Olivia suggested.

**_"I'll see you both soon," _**He said softly.

She assumed he was still in the courthouse and cautious of being overheard.

Olivia put down her phone and looked over at Noah, he smiled at her from his baby-walker and she smiled back tearfully. Maybe this whole arrangement had been a really bad idea.

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember Raúl saying somewhere that in his head Barba wasn't a singer. He has a lovely speaking voice so I'm sure he can carry a lullaby, but I like the idea that when he sings he isn't 'Raúl Esparza' wonderful! 🤗😆


	6. Carrots Sticks

In the end, Barba met Olivia and Noah at a coffee shop near her apartment. Barba slid into the booth opposite them and dropped his case on the table.

Noah held up a carrot stick towards Barba with a broad smile.

"For me?" Barba said happily and took the stick, "…thank you very much."

He took a loud bite and Noah smiled happily, "Ba-ba!"

Olivia smiled at them both and pushed a large pot of hummus towards her friend.

Noticing that they all had a plethora of carrot sticks he gratefully took a handful and started tucking in.

"How's he been?" Barba asked.

"Good, he's really no trouble…" Olivia smiled at Noah (who was still gnawing happily) and then moved her focus back to Barba. "What about you? You sounded a little off on the phone, was it just because you were in public?"

Barba sighed and shrugged, "It's just hard, you know? It's hard enough when it's kids, but Noah…he could be going into the system and down a road that we know nothing about."

Olivia nodded but then glanced at the little boy, "Maybe talk about this later when he's asleep?"

Barba nodded, "Of course, sorry…"

"Don't apologise, Rafael, I'm just making this up as I go along…the same as you. I have no idea how much of this he's really taking in. We can only hope that based on the last couple of weeks very little is being retained."

"It would be nice to think that he might remember us a little though," Barba said with a smile and Noah grinned at him.

Olivia nodded sadly, "Who knows, maybe his brain can filter out all the bad bits and still remember the good." Although she didn't feel all that sure, how much do we really remember before we're two?

"Maybe we remember the love," Barba said reflectively, almost as though he'd heard her thoughts, "...and maybe feelings of security."

"I think we both didn't get as many of those as we should have," Olivia observed sadly.

"At least we've given Noah a few days," Barba agreed.

"Then what? We pass him down the line and hope he lands on his feet?" Olivia snapped a little, not angry with Barba just the situation. "I think maybe a couple of days was two days too long."

"What do you mean?" Barba asked with a frown.

"I didn't even think about how hard this would be to give up," Olivia admitted softly.

"Noah?" Barba clarified.

"Noah…" Olivia confirmed, and then looked up at Barba for a second like she wanted to say something.

"What?" Barba said kindly.

Olivia shook her head, "Nothing…let's eat and then go to the park. What do you want?"

"I was worried that these carrot sticks were lunch," Barba smirked at her and his eyes sparkled.

"Oh no, we just thought we'd wait for Ba-ba before we ordered. Noah has been seriously considering the cheese sandwich and strawberry milk…"

Noah bounced in his chair and chimed in, "Ba-ba!"

"You're going to start calling me that at the station aren't you?" He laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Only if we want to encourage the rumours…" She grinned and then stopped short when she realised what she'd said.

"Rumours?" Barba asked with a raised eyebrow.

Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes, "Let's just say I've had several of my colleagues make comments about my 'close' friendship with the ADA."

"That's ridiculous!" Barba laughed.

"Ridiculous?" Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"Well, to start with you would never be so unprofessional…never mind the fact that I would be batting far out of my league," Barba chuckled again and then stopped when he saw that Olivia wasn't laughing.

"Your league?" Olivia asked and frowned.

"Well…I mean, I'm not exactly your type. All those action-men testosterone cops…" Barba trailed off when he saw Olivia's unimpressed expression and raised eyebrows.

"That's not exactly a flattering appraisal. Is that really what you think of me?" She paused and added sincerely, "Is that really what you think I want?"

"I don't…" Barba felt awkward and glanced to Noah for help, the little boy smiled at him and passed him up another carrot stick. Thanks, pal, he thought as he took the stick with a smile. Then he looked back at Olivia, "I…"

"You know I actually dated one of your predecessors," Olivia pointed out.

"I've heard rumours…David Haden?" Barba admitted quietly.

"It didn't work out, conflicts of interested at work. We were getting to the point when disclosure was an option, but we left it too late…then he had no choice but to walk away," Olivia explained succinctly.

Barba frowned, "It was that serious?"

Olivia sighed, "It was early…but it might have been if work hadn't got in the way."

"I've met David Haden a few times, he always seemed like a smart man…" Barba acknowledged as he looked over the menu.

"Reassessing your judgement on my taste in men?" Olivia asked with a smile.

Barba looked up at her with a raised eyebrow, "Reassessing my judgement of _his_ intelligence…if he forfeited even a potential future with you over his job."

Olivia looked surprised and was about to speak when Barba added.

"And I never meant my comment as a judgement on your taste, 'Liv," he smiled a little self-deprecatingly, "…I guess I was a little defensive and I'm sorry."

Olivia thought back to watch he had actually said and shook her head, "Me too..." She smiled at him warmly and then added, "Anyone would be lucky to be with you, Rafael."

* * *

After lunch they all went for a long walk in the park, so long that after about an hour Noah was fast asleep in his 'timeshare stroller' while his 'temporary guardians' continued walking for at least another hour.

They walked, talked and laughed. Shared stories about work, happy memories from their childhood and past relationships.

As they walked slowly back toward Olivia's apartment Barba looked other at her with a perplexed expression. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand. I know he was your friend and you went through a lot together…but how exactly do you just vanish from someone's life like that? I mean, I know people lose touch when the move on but never that deliberately. He really just vanished from your life?"

"Overnight…" Olivia shrugged, the memory still hurt a little but it had been a long time and the pain was far less acute. "I believe that kids call it ghosting."

Barba laughed and shook his head, "From kids I could almost believe it. Not even a phone call? A letter?"

"Do people still actually write letters, Rafael?" Olivia smiled at him with amusement.

He grinned and rolled his eyes, "I don't know…maybe love letters?"

Olivia did laugh now, "Well, Elliot Stabler certainly never sent me any love letters."

"But you did love him, didn't you?" He asked seriously and they slowed their steps.

Olivia sighed, "I thought I did at the time, so I guess that makes it true, but I would never have admitted that to anyone…" she smiled at him now, "…I never have admitted that to anyone."

Barba nodded thoughtfully and waited for her to continue.

"With hindsight, our friendship, our relationship, was not healthy. He had a wife and children – I filled the role of his work-wife, so my life was in a holding pattern until one day he just vanished."

"Ancient history?" Barba asked, trying not to sound as invested as he felt.

"Elliot Stabler is ancient history…" she shrugged, "…but I guess I'm willing to admit the situation has left me a little gunshy."

"Gunshy?" Barba probed.

"Afraid to trust...and maybe afraid to invest myself too completely in people," Olivia admitted.

"You still feel that way?"

Olivia sighed and smiled at Barba as he carefully lifted the front of Noah's chair and helped her carry him up the front steps to her apartment building.

"Generally? I guess a little - but I trust Fin, Rollins, Carisi…" she smiled at him, "…Dodds."

Barba nodded a little sadly and Olivia laughed.

"Rafael, I trust you completely. I am unreservedly invested in our friendship and I am more secure in that friendship than any other in my life."

Barba looked a little shocked but nodded, "I don't know what I did to deserve that friendship, Olivia, but I promise you that I will never take it for granted."

* * *

It happened again at about 3 am the next morning - only this time was a little different.

Barba slept on the couch in the living area and sat up suddenly when he heard a piercing scream.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

He jumped to his feet and ran to Noah's crib arriving at exactly the same moment as Olivia.

Noah reached up and Barba lifted him into his arms. Olivia stood close and ran her hand over Noah's hot-damp skin.

"Another nightmare…" Barba said and rocked him a little as he began to settle.

"Rafael, he called for you; from sleep, in a nightmare…he called for you!" Olivia said with obvious astonishment.

"He's just more familiar with my name," Barba dismissed; obviously worried that she thought Noah was playing favourites.

Olivia smiled and shook her head, "I don't care about that, Rafa. He's only known us for a few days…I'm not upset that he didn't call for me. This little boy thinks the world of you."

"Don't, Olivia…" Barba said a little tersely and brought Noah to his chest, resting his hand on the back of his head.

_"Rafael…"_ Olivia started carefully, clearly surprised by his tone.

"Olivia, this is going to be hard enough. Please don't make this any harder by forcing us to acknowledge it…" Barba looked at her pleadingly now and Olivia fell silent.

Now she could see what her own emotions and fears had been masking – Rafael Barba was falling as much in love with this little boy as she was, and feeling all of the same pain.

Olivia stepped closer, rested her forehead against the side of his face and whispered softly, "Rafael…"

"Olivia, please don't…"

Noah looked up at them both with wide eyes and reached out towards Olivia, "'Ello, 'Liva…"

Olivia smiled and looked at Barba, who was now smiling as well, "He said hello to me."

"You're an intelligent young man aren't you, Noah?" Barba said with pride in his voice.

Noah's eyes started to droop and his head fell heavily onto Barba's shoulder as he continued to rock him.

"Do you want to put him back into the crib? See if he'll sleep now?" Olivia suggested.

"You think that's best?" Barba checked cautiously.

"I guess he's more likely to sleep through and be undisturbed…" She contemplated.

Barba nodded and looked back at Noah, "You think you're ready to go to sleep, little man?"

Noah blinked sleepily and then closed his eyes. Barba bent to slowly place Noah back into the crib and then stroked his hair, "Goodnight…"

He stood up and looked at Olivia, "Hopefully he will sleep through…"

She watched him turned towards her door and suddenly reached out, "Don't go."

Barba looked back, clearly confused.

"Just…maybe you could sleep in here? It can't be comfortable on that couch."

He looked baffled now, "You want me to sleep in your bed? With you?"

Olivia suddenly felt embarrassed - it was late and she'd woken suddenly so was a little more loose-lipped than usual. "I just…"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea…" Barba said awkwardly.

Olivia shook her head, "No…of course not….you go…go sleep..." She forced a smile onto her face, "We have a big day tomorrow. Well, I guess today."

Barba nodded, "You're sure? You're really okay?"

She nodded quickly, "Of course, I don't know what I was thinking. Goodnight, Rafael."

_TBC..._


	7. Sunday Playtime

When Olivia woke on Sunday morning she could hear music playing from her living area. A steady beat of beautiful Cuban music thrummed through her apartment and made her smile as she stretched and then climbed out of bed.

She pulled a long light-blue robe over her loose t-shirt and yoga pants, then walked through to the kitchen where she found Noah sitting in his highchair while Barba cooked - he had a sway in his step as he worked smoothly, dancing a little to the music.

Noah laughed and bounced in his chair when Barba pulled a funny face at him and bust a little move. Then they both jumped and turned towards Olivia when they heard her laugh.

"You boys look like you're having fun!" Olivia grinned broadly.

"We didn't wake you?" Barba asked apologetically. "I thought I'd give you a lie-in."

Olivia shrugged, "I don't think so…but while I appreciate the thought I'd rather be up spending time with you two."

Barba smiled warmly and nodded, "Want to help Noah and me with Sunday brunch?"

Olivia looked around her kitchen and then back up at Barba with raised eyebrows, "Where did all this food come from?"

He looked over the fruit, vegetables and eggs on the counter and then shrugged, "I went to a store a couple of blocks away before Noah woke, I…" he paused and looked into her eyes, "…I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might as well be useful."

She nodded understandingly and controlled her urge to reach out and take his hand, "You want me to help?"

Barba nodded at a bag of mangoes, "Mango juice? There's some ice in the box."

Olivia nodded and reached for the bag, "Fresh mangoes?"

"Life is too short to drink juice from a carton, 'Liv. Besides my…" he paused again and laughed a little nervously, "…you and Noah deserve the best."

Her heart sped up a little as Olivia opened and began to prepare the fruit.

"You don't mind that I hijacked your speakers?" Barba asked.

Olivia smiled and noticed that her body was moving a little in time with the rhythm. "Not at all…" she smiled across at him and then looked back down at her task, "…maybe you could share some of your music with me? I love it."

Barba smiled, nodded and then returned to his omelette preparation.

* * *

"Do you want to go out?" Olivia asked Barba over brunch about an hour later.

He looked out of the window, "The weather isn't great…"

"The sun feels like it's shining in here," she looked around at their colourful feast, "…especially with this music playing. Let's stay at home…we can hide from the world for a few hours. I'm not sure I…"

When Olivia stopped suddenly Barba raised an eyebrow, "What? Tell me..."

She smiled and shook her head, "It's silly - I guess I just want us to hide away for the day…I don't want to share _this _with anyone."

He nodded quickly and then stood and walked to the sink, Olivia glanced at Noah (who was happily sipping on his juice) and then followed Barba over - she stood next to him and rested her hand on his forearm.

"I didn't mean to sound possessive or crowd you, I just meant that everything will go back to normal tomorrow and…" Olivia started to explain but Barba turned and looked at her intensely.

"Why did you ask me into your bed last night?" He whispered.

"Rafa…" Olivia looked away breathlessly.

Barba leaned to her ear and murmured, "Please don't tease me, 'Liv, what was that about?"

Olivia could feel his hot breath on her neck and she froze in shock, unable to move as her body reacted to his voice and heat. _I want you!_ She screamed inside. Then she breathed in his scent and slowly turned her head, her lips instinctively moving toward his neck…

Suddenly he was gone and Olivia felt jarred back into her kitchen, then a chill ran down the side of her body which had been recently infused with the heat of Rafael Barba.

"Sorry, 'Liv. I don't know what I was thinking, let's just enjoy our day," he picked up some extra berries and walked briskly back towards Noah. Leaving Olivia shocked, breathless and confused.

* * *

"I have a great idea!" Olivia said as Barba finished off the cleaning up a while later. He'd been weird with her since the kitchen incident and she was keen to entertain Noah and break Barba out of whatever mood he was in.

She rushed into her bedroom and came out with blankets, sheets and pillows. Then rushed into her spare room and returned with more of the same.

Barba looked perplexed, but couldn't help but smile at her obvious enthusiasm.

Olivia started moving kitchen stools and Noah was watching all of the action with growing fascination.

"Noah! We're going to make a fort! Would you like that?" Olivia asked excitedly and Barba smiled.

Noah clearly had no idea what was happening but slapped his hands excitedly on the little table that was pinning him into place. Then he reached out to Olivia, "Liva, down!"

Barba laughed and walked around to lift Noah out of his chair and then pass him to his friend.

"I think we have a hit…" Barba said as he quickly finished off in the kitchen so that he could come to join them.

* * *

About an hour later, Olivia was hooking Christmas lights threw the ceiling of their blanket fort, she passed the cable through to Barba and he went to plug them in.

Noah was sitting in his walker nearby.

"Don't bring him in until we know they work!" Olivia warned enthusiastically.

Barba looked over at Noah and laughed, "I think your Auntie Liv is more excited about this than you are!"

"Shut it, Barba! I'm having fun!" She teased from inside the fort and Barba's heart swelled a little.

"Barba?" He asked with a smile.

"When you're being a pain in my…" she poked her head out and mouthed 'ass' then disappeared, "…you will always be Barba!"

Barba laughed and moved to flick the switch, "5, 4, 3, 2…1!"

Lights filled the ceiling in their multicoloured blanket fort and Olivia gasped, "Rafa! It's gorgeous! Come and look! Bring Noah!"

Barba picked up Noah and moved to his knees, he carefully lifted the flap and they crawled inside.

"Look at!" Noah said excitedly and pointed at the lights as Barba let him loose and he crawled across the pillows towards Olivia. "Liva! Look!"

"I know, Noah! Do you like the pretty lights?" Olivia asked and leaned back proudly against the far wall of their fort (which luckily was also her couch).

"Pretty!" Noah repeated and reached out towards them.

"'Liv, you're an artist…first toy assembly and now this, you just keep on unfolding like a flower!" Barba teased, but Olivia could tell that the compliment was genuine.

"We all did this!" Olivia argued. "Well, mostly you and me…" she smiled at Noah who was still mesmerised by the twinkling lights.

"I was merely manual-labor - you were the creative force behind this project, Auntie 'Liva," he smiled as he came to sit next to Olivia and look up at the lights.

Noah sat between them and fell back onto the cushions with a laugh when he tried to look up too far. He rubbed his eyes happily and laughed again, reaching out for the lights. "Ba-ba! Pretty!" He looked back at Barba and grinned.

"You've made him _so_ happy, 'Liv, you're amazing," Barba smiled at her warmly and their eyes linked.

"Rafael, listen I…" Olivia stopped talking when his hand covered hers.

"Let's talk later, Olivia. When he goes to bed?" Barba asked softly.

Olivia nodded, "Later."

"Shall I go and get some books? We could read some stories?" Barba suggested.

"That sounds perfect," Olivia agreed.

_TBC..._


	8. Still Friends

On Sunday evening, long after Noah had gone to bed, Olivia and Barba sat on either end of the couch chatting aimlessly. Barba sat back, one arm draped over the back of the couch while his other hand was holding a small glass of scotch.

He looked at her with a nervous half-smile and then glanced around at his personal belongings littering Olivia's living area. "I've actually enjoyed the last few days…but don't worry, I'll have my things cleared out by the morning."

Olivia nodded with a small smile – not daring to add that she would be more than happy for his things to lie around her bedroom if he was so concerned about the mess.

She compromised with herself and went with, "I hope you know you're always more than welcome here? I know we've had our reasons this week but we shouldn't need an excuse to spend time together. You really are my closest friend, Rafael, I enjoy spending time with you."

Barba held Olivia's gaze for a few seconds, "I guess I know that...but sometimes I forget. I often feel like we do need an excuse."

Olivia put her glass of wine down on the table in front of them and turned a little more to face him. "Well, you never do - I'll always be here for you."

He leaned forward and set his glass down as well, "I guess sometimes it's nice not to be alone, isn't it? To have someone to talk to…?"

"I don't want 'someone' to talk to, Rafael, I want to talk to _you,"_ Olivia lay her arm alongside his on the back of the couch, she could already feel her heart beating a little faster.

Barba stared at her arm for a moment and then slowly moved his hand to meet hers in the middle. Olivia felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest and she licked her lips nervously. She watched as his fingers slid over the back of her hand and shivered before slowly splaying her fingers out and encouraging his to lace with hers.

She looked up at his eyes now and her lips parted slightly at the expression of tenderness she found there.

"Your hands are so strong," he said quietly and then smiled, "…but they're still surprisingly small alongside mine."

They both grinned at each other but then their smiles faded. He slowly flexed his fingers but then laced them more firmly together. They were actually holding hands now, it seemed so silly and innocent but the connection felt a little mind-blowing.

"Was there something specific that you wanted to talk about? Or maybe we could watch a movie?" Barba suggested and nodded at the TV.

Olivia shook her head quickly; she could watch a movie _tomorrow._

"I've been thinking…" She started to gather her thoughts but at this point didn't feel 100% sure what she was about to say.

"Uh oh," he teased.

She smiled and then felt her breath catch when his thumb stroked lightly over the outside of hers.

"I know we're friends…close friends…" she stumbled into her thoughts clumsily and her eyes glanced to the cross she could see glinting around Barba's neck. _Please don't let me mess this up, _she thought anxiously.

Barba nodded slowly.

"We're…confidantes…partners…I'd like to think family…" Olivia stumbled and looked down, then shook her head with frustration, "...but are we anything else?"

He frowned a little now, "Could you be a little more specific?"

Olivia let out a long breath and then met his eyes, "Rafael, what do you see when you look at me?"

"I see a lot of things," he edged carefully.

Olivia was silent - then she nodded, encouraging him to elaborate.

The music had ended so the atmosphere was quiet again, almost surreal.

"I see a strong, compassionate woman. A brilliant detective who has challenged me to change how I see the world…and maybe even change how the world sees me." He looked at their hands again, sliding his fingers out from between hers. He turned her hand over and slowly stroked the soft skin on the inside of her wrist.

Olivia felt a zap of electricity shoot up her arm and she gasped quietly.

"What else?" She probed.

"I see a complicated woman, a woman of seemingly endless strength…but I also see the pain that you try to hide sometimes, I would do anything to take that pain away," he added.

She nodded a little tearfully.

Anything? Okay, Rafael Barba, she thought determinedly, what if I want you? What if **you** could make all the difference in my life?

Now their eyes clashed, Barba held her gaze for a moment but then let his eyes wander slowly over her face, down her neck, her body, her legs…as his eyes moved back towards hers they lingered almost guiltily over her breasts for a second and Olivia licked her dry lips.

"I see an _extremely_ attractive woman," he said softly, his voice had dropped a couple of octaves.

"You do?" Olivia asked.

Barba laughed a little roughly, "'Liv, you're gorgeous. You must know that? Everyone…"

"I'm not asking everyone, Rafael, I'm asking you," Olivia said a little tearfully.

Barba looked shocked and leaned forward, "Are you feeling insecure, 'Liv? Because I promise that you have nothing to feel insecure about. You're wonderful…beautiful…anyone would be lucky to…"

_"_Anyone?" She asked quietly. Barba still looked unsure and Olivia could see that she had no choice but to be brave and put herself out there. "Would you like to know what I see when I look at you?"

Barba looked away for a second and then shrugged a little, "I guess…"

Olivia steeled herself, "I see a brave man, a man who got to where he is today on guts and hard work. I see a damaged man, who often acts abrasively towards others in order to protect his kind heart," she held his gaze, "because you really do have a beautiful heart, Rafael Barba." Olivia leaned forward a little, "I feel safe in your arms…and you have beautiful eyes, t-that change colour and…"

She paused and looked into his shocked expression.

Why was this so hard?

She trusted him completely, but that made this final step so much more terrifying – she was putting everything they had on the line here. So what if he found her attractive? He was single by choice, independent by choice. What if he simply didn't want a relationship? Didn't see himself in the kind of relationship that Olivia was starting to feel like she could only find with him.

"Olivia?" Barba asked her quietly, looking pensive.

"Rafael, you are an incredibly sexy man, physically and..._otherwise."_

"I…" Barba started to speak and then stopped short, he looked a little breathless and Olivia looked away.

After a few seconds, she felt the fingers of his free hand under her chin, gently lifting her face to look at him.

"Olivia…" He said softly. She closed her eyes but then he added, "'Liv, please look at me."

Olivia opened her eyes, her lips parted and she licked them slowly, her eyes looked heavy and her breath short. "Rafa, you terrify me…" he looked hurt so she rushed to explain, "...our relationship means so much to me, but I want so much more from you, things that I'm not sure you want to give me…and I'm terrified that…"

"You really think I'm sexy?" Barba blurted out and Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm pouring my heart out here and you latched on to _that?"_ She smiled warmly now.

"Guess that makes me pretty superficial, hey?" He said with a soft smile as he shifted a little closer to her on the couch. "A typical man?" Barba slowly lifted his hand from the back of the couch and combed his fingers into her hair.

Olivia tilted her cheek into his hand and nuzzled against him, "You're _far_ from typical, Rafael."

"Olivia…" He whispered again softly, "I know I'm not like a lot of other men in your life.

"Thank God," she whispered earnestly and closed her eyes, enjoying the reassuring warmth of his hand.

He took another deep breath and was about to speak when Olivia cut in nervously.

"I know we're friends, Rafael, and you care for me a lot, but do you ever look at me and…" she stumbled over her words, his hand moved slowly down to her neck and he edged a little closer. "We're friends…" she repeated, "…but could you ever want more?"

"More?" Barba whispered softly, he was suddenly close enough that she could feel his breath on her lips and she shuddered.

"Do you ever want to touch me?" Olivia whispered almost silently.

"I'm _touching_ you right now…" Barba pointed out and marvelled at the way goosebumps rose as his fingers trailed over her skin.

"I can't…" Olivia's breath was shallow now and she gasped when she felt his fingertips trace her collarbone. "Maybe I-I need to c-clarify…" she stuttered, "ask the question in another way…"

"What way?" Barba smirked and moved a little closer, his nose brushed hers and Olivia gasped, "…this way?"

Olivia almost growled now, then just before her lips collided with his she blurted out, "God, Rafa, just_ kiss me!"_

Barba moaned against her lips and leaned in, shifting her body back against the couch as his tongue came out to lick her lips. Olivia shuddered at the contact as he pushed slowly inside, exploring gently and teasing her.

Olivia smiled against his mouth.

"I can't believe this is happening," Barba muttered and then deepened the kiss, his hands sliding down to grip her waist as Olivia moved under him.

* * *

After a couple of minutes, Barba shifted to lie alongside Olivia on the couch, his hand on her waist as he looked down at her. "Dios…are you sure?"  
  
She smiled up at him, "Rafael, I don't think I've ever been so certain about anything."

Barba brought his hand up and traced his fingertips over her lips, "Is this all right?"

"Oh, hell yes…" Olivia smiled at him, and his returning grin took her breath away.

"This all feels a little unreal," he whispered against her mouth as his lips brushed over hers again, "are we sure I'm not dreaming?"

She grinned and flicked her tongue out, "I was thinking the same thing, but if you're dreaming then so am I..."

"You've thought about this?" His lips trailed along her cheek and then he nuzzled under her ear, "About us?"

"I've dreamed about this…" She clarified, then moved onto her side to face him and hauled herself as close as possible against his body.

He smiled and leaned in again; he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and Olivia groaned when she felt her nipples harden against his chest.

She moved her leg to insinuate it between his thighs as his hand wandered down to cup her ass. His mouth never left hers as he fell into a deep kiss, exploring her mouth eagerly.

Her core pushed against his thigh and the pressure on her clit made Olivia groan as she felt his erection pressing against her stomach.

Barba hummed and kissed her lips lightly before shifting his hips back, "I'd better back up a little, you do things to me…"

Olivia nodded dazedly, but neither of them moved far. She looked into his eyes and felt his hand flex on her ass cheek. She grinned, "What are you thinking about, ADA Barba?"

He smiled in return and raised an eyebrow, "Right now? Honestly?"

She smirked, "Absolute honesty."

"I was thinking about how much I've always adored your ass and how lucky my hand is right now."

Olivia laughed joyfully.

"I don't want to move it, but if I don't soon I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let it go…" He said with mock solemnity.

She grinned and then retorted, "That _could_ be an issue in the office."

Barba nodded, _"Highly unprofessional."_

"However, it does feel really good right where it is so don't feel that you have to be in a rush to move it," she added and leaned in to brush his lips with hers.

"What do you want, Olivia?" Barba asked hotly against her lips.

"In general or right at this moment?" She asked and moved to trail her mouth down his neck, licking and tasting him.

"Either," Barba moaned, "…both."

She smiled against his skin, "You, Rafael. I want you. Right now…and for as long as you'll let me have you."

Barba pulled back and looked at her.

"I'm not being flippant, Rafa. I understand how much rides on this…but I honestly can't imagine finding what I have with you anywhere else."

Barba nodded, "We need to make sure we're on the same page here."

"I've been waiting for a sign for so long, Rafa, I'm still a little scared," she admitted softly.

"Olivia Benson's scared?" Barba asked and ran his fingers tenderly over her temple before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You must know how I feel about you…"

Olivia looked at him seriously and shook her head, "How is that?"

Barba looked at her with obvious surprise but then took a deep breath and whispered softly, "Olivia, I'm so in love with you. I have been for a while. You mean _everything_ to me. I been waiting and hoping that one day you might look to me..."

Tears welled in her eyes and she looked at him in shock, "Rafa…"

"I love you, Olivia, and I want to give you everything. But I can't do this halfway, so if you don't want that…" Barba stopped and held her gaze.

Olivia felt her head spin; he wanted her…and everything she wanted.

"If you aren't sure then we need to walk away from this now. It would hurt, but I would find a way past it," Barba pulled back a little, "I don't mean to put all this on you, but if we do this I'm begging you to be sure. This can't just be comfort over the pain we both feel about losing Noah. You could so easily break my heart..."

Olivia was speechless - now his reticence and mixed messages made sense. He was in pain and terrified that she was only looking for comfort. She snuggled closer to him, marvelling at how loved she felt in his arms. Had she ever felt this safe in her life? She felt him start to slide his leg out from between hers and clamped her thighs together to stop him.

Barba held still again, looking at her intently and waiting to see what she wanted.

Olivia rolled her hips against him and then her hand came up to his neck and her lips met his.

"'Liv, please be sure…" he asked between kisses his head swimming with the possibility that she could want him the way he wanted her.

"Mmmmmm…" Olivia smiled into the kiss, "I'm so sure." Her fingers traced up his neck leaving a trail of electricity and then came to rest on his lips. "I adore you, Rafael Barba, you're...mine!"

Barba groaned at the possessive flash in her eyes and drove into a probing kiss. Fire swept through his veins and he felt his entire body melt against her. Passion, love and relief combined and ignited with pure lust. She moaned into his mouth and he tightened his grip, deepening the kiss.

Olivia had had other lovers in the past, but nothing had felt like this primal instinct rushing through her body…assaulting her senses and driving her to join with him. Nothing had ever felt this right.

"'Liv, bedroom?" Barba said and Olivia nodded and pulled back a little before they awkwardly disengaged and stood.

Within seconds of arriving in her spare bedroom, they were yanking at their clothes, pulling and tugging themselves and each other free. Olivia flicked off her bra and then wrapped Barba close, their skin touching completely for the first time, her taut nipples brushing against the light hairs on his chest.

"You're _beautiful…"_ Barba uttered softly, his hands brushing Olivia's hair back off her face before he kissed her tenderly.

Olivia felt tears spring to her eyes and she nodded, kissing him deeply and adding, "So are you."

They fell back onto the bed and Barba rolled them, he pinned her hands next to her head and smiled down at her as their fingers laced together. He moved his hips a little and groaned when he felt them line up.

"You're sure? You're ready?" He checked.

Olivia grinned, "I love you, Rafael, so fucking much. And I've been ready since you trailed your fingers up the inside of my wrist, I thought I was going to embarrass myself…" Olivia joked and grinned up at him joyfully.

Barba laughed and kissed her, "God, I really do love you!"

_"So show me…" _Olivia encouraged and thrust up against him.

Barba reached down and ran his fingers through her folds, feeling her wetness he groaned again. "I wanted to go slow…"

Olivia shook her head, "Next time, sweetheart, I just want you inside me."

"Next time," he nodded solemnly and moved to slowly push himself inside.

"Oh, God…" Olivia groaned and rolled her head back on the pillow, "…you feel so good!"

"Mi Amor…" Barba groaned as Olivia slipped her hands from his and wrapped her arms around him as he started to move.

* * *

A little while later, Olivia lay with Barba spooned behind her – his face buried into her hair.

"You smell amazing," he smiled happily and then took a deep breath before kissing the nape of her neck.

Olivia laughed and wiggled against him, "Rafael!"

"I want to stay here forever."

She bent to kiss one of his hands, "Yes, please."

He felt tears spring to his eyes, "I love you…it's only been a few days, but I lay on your bed during the night on Friday just watching you both and I couldn't even begin to _imagine_ how I was going to cope with letting you go."

"We still have to let Noah go…" Olivia said softly and Barba could hear tears in her voice.

He sprinkled kisses over her shoulders and tightened his grip around her, "We'll face that together, 'Liv, and I promise that I will move mountains to ensure he's happy."

Olivia rolled to face him; she looked into his eyes, leaned in for a kiss and then nodded sadly, _"Together. _I love you, Rafael Barba. I have for so long...our friendship has been the most important of my life."

"We're still friends, 'Liv, just..._better, stronger, faster!"_ He teased.

Olivia laughed against his shoulder and then slapped his bicep lightly, "You're an idiot, but I guess you're _my_ idiot now."

Barba chuckled (still a little in shock), then kissed her temple, "I _really_ didn't think that I was your type."

She smiled and nuzzled closer, "You're not my 'type', you're my Rafael. _Mine._ My past relationships didn't work for a reason, I've made some bad decisions…but now I have you."

"Then you're braver than I gave you credit for," he said with a deadpan expression and then yelped a little when Olivia pinched his ass - hard. "What was that for?" Barba asked with a little indignation.

"Don't be trash-talking the man I love," she grinned and snuggled under his chin, "…I can be very protective and I've been told that I'm quite a badass."

Barba smiled broadly, cocooned her into his tight embrace, then kissed her head and whispered, "Duly noted."

_TBC..._


	9. Family Court

Barba and Olivia walked into court the next day and could feel at least a dozen eyes watching them carefully. This was an unusual situation involving two high-profile people in the New York legal system and that had not gone unnoticed by the courtroom gossip mill.

They found their place at the front, Noah sitting on Olivia's lap and Barba to her right as Judge Ruth Linden walked in and took her seat. She smiled subtly and nodded at Barba, he was not in her court often but she knew and liked him – he was smart, he had guts, he didn't take any crap, but he also had _heart_ and that was sadly not a common combination in the District Attorney's office.

After some preliminary activity, the Judge looked at Barba and Olivia, "So, before we get down to business can I suggest that we have someone from the ACS take Noah outside so that we can all talk freely?"

Olivia glanced at Barba nervously, unsure how temporary this removal might be.

Barba stood, "Is the court removing the child at this time? Or is this a _temporary_ situation?"

"As his temporary guardians, of course, you will have the chance to see the child and say goodbye at the end of the session…" The Judge explained and Barba felt nauseous.

A kindly looking lady walked to the front of the courtroom and held out her hands to take Noah from across Barba. Olivia stood up next to him and reluctantly started to pass Noah over, she didn't want to let him go but understood that he shouldn't have to sit through this.

As he was passed over to the strange lady Noah grabbed out for Barba's tie, he held on and screamed - a loud shrill shriek that alarmed the whole courtroom.

_"BA-BA! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_ His face went red and tears immediately streamed from his eyes as Noah flailed and grabbed for the lawyer, _"BA-BA, STAY!"_

Another loud shriek and Barba instinctively reached out and took the child; he held him close and rocked him, whispering words of love and reassurance in Spanish and English.

"Your Honor…I…your Honor, can we just…" Barba tried to regain his composure but was clearly shaken by Noah's reaction to being taken away.

"Okay…okay…let's reassess this situation and all calm down," Judge Linden said evenly and looked down at her notes. "Noah Porter's mother is deceased, the father is incarcerated in connection with that…" she looked at Noah who was now calming down in Barba's arms, _"…_situation. There seems to be a solid case…and thanks to extensive private detective work paid for at no small cost by his legal representative," the judge smiled sympathetically at Barba and seemed to pause and think for a second, "we can find no living relatives…"

The judge's eyes narrowed thoughtfully when she watched Olivia Benson step closer to the ADA and trail her fingers over the back of his hand.

"I, therefore, declare Noah Benson to be a temporary ward of the State of New York. This will, of course, become permanent if or when the biological father is found guilty and loses his parental rights."

Barba nodded, his hand resting protectively on the back of Noah's head as he leaned down and kissed his temple.

"He shall…" the Judge paused and watched Olivia Benson's hand now slip into the ADA's as she stepped closer to him, "…he shall continue to be cared for in an ACS facility…" she paused again and then seemed to change direction. "ADA Barba, can I see you in my chambers?"

Barba looked surprised, "Now?"

The Judge raised her eyebrows, "Well, I was thinking a week next Wednesday…but now would also be good."

Olivia looked at Barba with confusion and he shrugged. He passed Noah over to Olivia and he settled happily, his head resting on her shoulder and little hand gripping onto her blouse.

"'Liva, home now?" Noah asked beseechingly.

The Judge smiled at the Lieutenant warmly and then looked at Barba, she tilted her head asking him to follow her and swiftly left the room.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked quickly as Barba moved past her.

"I have no idea," he replied quietly and squeezed her hand, "so I don't like it. Wait here for me. Don't let anyone take Noah anywhere until I get back."

Olivia shook her head firmly, "Of course not, over my dead body."

Barba smiled and mouthed, "I love you," before rushing away and leaving Olivia with a slight smile on her face.

* * *

When Barba entered the office Judge Linden was seated behind her desk.

"You've been caring for the child, ADA Barba?" She asked.

"Yes, with Lieutenant Benson," Barba confirmed, worried that this was an issue of impropriety.

"An unusual situation," She observed.

"Well, as I explained…we felt that the child might be able to act as a witness in his father's trial, however, that will clearly not be possible and it seems like Detectives Tutuola and Rollins have gathered more than enough evidence to conv…"

"I'm not interested in the case, Barba," Linden cut him off, "at least not with regard to this situation. You and the Lieutenant are...close?"

Barba's eyes narrowed a little, "We've worked together for many years, we've become close friends, yes."

"You've worked tirelessly on this case, counsellor…and this is not normally your area," Linden observed and Barba shrugged, not entirely understanding where the judge was going with this, "…you've also spent a considerable amount of your own money hiring the best private detectives on the east coast to look into Noah's family and try to find him good legal guardians."

Barba nodded, "He's a good kid, he deserves the best chance possible…"

"With that in mind, Mr Barba, is there any chance that you might consider becoming a more long-term foster father to this little boy?"

Barba was shocked, his mouth opened a little and then he closed it without speaking.

"You have an undeniable bond with the child, Mr Barba, and as you said yourself that boy has been through enough. We both know the biological father will be found guilty of the mother's murder and will lose his parental rights. I do not feel like doing more harm to that little boy by ripping him away from loving arms and putting him into a strange and unfamiliar system. Too many decisions in this courtroom are made for the right reasons, but with the wrong results for everyone concerned."

"I'm sorry… Excuse me, your honor? What are you offering me here?" Barba looked uncharacteristically dumbstruck and the Judge was a little amused.

"I have a feeling about this Barba, call it a judges hunch…which I believe you may well learn a lot more about in the future. If you agree, I will order Noah Porter into your care as the custodial parent for one year. By which time I would expect the legal issues with his biological father to be cleared up, at that point you would be given the option to permanently adopt the boy."

"Judge, Lieutenant Benson has been…" Barba started to stutter out.

"I know you, Mr Barba. I've seen your work and I've seen how that little boy responds to you. Having said that I have no doubt that during this year you will have the opportunity to resolve other personal issues, and should you return to this court requesting a joint adoption I would be extremely happy to start that process for you. This is an opportunity for you both to keep this child in your lives, Barba, don't blow it because of whose name would be on the initial paperwork. However, this is ultimately your choice and your decision to make."

Barba looked shocked.

"Do you agree?" Linden asked.

* * *

Barba walked back into the courtroom looking dazed and confused.

Olivia stood quickly with Noah as he walked up to the table. He was about to speak when the Judge walked back in and everyone rose. Silence descended on the courtroom and Judge Linden sat back in her chair and smiled at the room.

"I hereby assign Noah Porter to the custody of _Rafael Barba_ for a period of one year, from this date," there was a slight pause when Olivia gasped out loud and turned to look at Barba, who still looked stunned, "after which we shall all return to court and should the relevant paperwork be filed I would be happy to consider a petition for permanent adoption. The case is left under review and is to be revisited one year from today. Dismissed."

Olivia physically turned Barba's head to look at her, she had a huge grin on her face. "Seriously? The Judge just gave _us_ custody?"

"Well…_me_. I did try to…" Barba stuttered out, still in shock.

"You think I care about that? Rafael, you have custody of Noah, he's not going anywhere! He's staying with you and I'm not letting either of you out of my sight!" Olivia laughed and kissed him.

Barba smiled and looked down at Noah on Olivia's hip, "Yeah, I guess I'm a foster dad…" he sighed and ran his hand over his face, "…once I've done all the paperwork and visits."

"But he can come home with us now?" Olivia clarified with concern. "We don't have to wait or…"

"No, no…I just need to fill out some paperwork and Noah can come home with me today…" he frowned, "...but he has to be at my address."

Olivia brushed off his concerns, "That's just logistics, Rafa. So we have to do some fast-moving. Rollins has a friend with a van, I'll call her, tell her everything and then we can get it all moved to yours. It's a small price to pay."

"We'd have to disclose…I'll need to put you down as my 'girlfriend?' for the ACS visits," Barba's mind was rushing to catch up with the last fifteen minutes.

"Fine...and I'll disclose when I start back at work next week…but that will be a formality as yours will already be processing…" Olivia nodded as she followed Barba back towards Judge Linden's office.

Suddenly Barba paused and turned to Olivia with a concerned expression, "When you said 'get it all moved', did you mean just Noah's things or…"

Olivia grinned and brushed her mouth over his ear as she whispered, "As long as you don't mind _two _unexpected house guests?"

"Mind?" Barba said with palpable relief. He smiled broadly down at Noah now, confusion quickly being flooded with joy. "You and Auntie Olivia are going to come and stay with me for a while? What do you think?"

Noah grinned, "Ba-ba!"

"I think he's happy!" Olivia said and kissed the little boy's head.

"I'm sorry about the move, your apartment and everything..." Barba said apologetically, "I didn't have a lot of time to think things through but no was never even an option."

Olivia shook her head, "It's a pain, but I'll finally get to see your place and as long as I'm with you two I'm happy - honestly."

Barba shook his head in amazement, "If someone had told me this time last week that I would be starting this week as a father, and you would be moving into my place, I would have told them that they were crazy!"

"Me too...but I'm going to find out what it feels like to wake up in your arms tomorrow morning feeling completely at peace," she smiled and leaned in to kiss his neck before reaching for her phone and scrolling down to Rollins.

This was going to be one hell of a phone call!

_TBC..._


	10. Moving In

Olivia laughed and looked over at Barba, who was sat next to her in the cab with Noah on his lap.

Barba had drawn a smiley-faced sun in the condensation on the window and Noah was now watching mesmerised as 'Ba-ba' finished it off with a pair of sunglasses.

She focused back on her telephone conversation but kept her eyes on her two men.

"If you don't believe me I can't even begin to imagine how we're going to explain this to anyone else!" Olivia teased her friend and colleague.

She could hear the warmth in Rollins's voice when she chuckled and replied, "Oh I believe you. I just can't believe that you've both finally got your heads out your ass…and in just a few days! Now you're going to play happy families with the boy from the Porter murder? It's all so…"

"Fast?" Olivia asked happily.

"Fast!" Rollins laughed.

"I guess a little, but I love him, Amanda. It's that simple. Maybe sometimes we need to get out of our own way a little, drop all the self-created obstacles and dramas and…" she paused and smiled over at Barba and Noah, "…just allow ourselves to be happy."

"Wow, that sounds healthy…" Rollins admitted, clearly impressed by her friend's personal revelations. "You love him? Barba or the boy?"

_"Both._ I've been in love with Rafael for a while; but having the opportunity to share that love with Noah, to build a family together - I can't even begin to tell you what that means."

Barba slipped his hand into hers and squeezed. Olivia looked over and saw that Noah was now sleeping on his lap – completely at peace and with a little smile on his face.

"And Barba?" Rollins asked.

"Rafael might kill you if this gets around, but they're crazy about each other…" Olivia wiggled close and rested her head on Barba's shoulder, she smiled when she felt his arm wrap around her as he pulled her into his side. "Noah calls him 'Ba-ba', and I'm not exaggerating when I say that the little man barely takes his eyes off him. I think…" she sighed sadly, "…I have a feeling Noah has probably been starved of affection from male role-models in his life. Suddenly he has found himself in a home with a man who is kind, loving, attentive and present…and Noah is completely enchanted. Judge Linden picked up on their bond in minutes, that's why she offered Rafael custody."

She lifted her head and looked at Barba, who seemed a little emotional at Olivia's summation and leaned in to kiss her gently.

She heard Rollins let out a long breath and then finally reply, "It sounds like someone else is enchanted as well…you're hooked aren't you?"

Olivia laughed and then smiled broadly, "I loved my best friend and I was always extremely attracted to him…but God, now that we've crossed that line…Amanda, I had no idea..."

"That good?" Rollins laughed.

"Better," Olivia confirmed and turned to rest her forehead on his arm, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent.

"So, you're moving in?" Rollins checked.

"We need a van to pick up Noah's things and everything that I will need for…I guess the foreseeable future. We need to make long-term plans, but Noah will be with Rafael, and I need to be with them, so…"

"...So the decision has been made for you," Rollins finished.

"We need to sort out the practicalities - where we will live, how this will work - but for now Rafael has two very unexpected house guests," Olivia confirmed with a chuckle.

"Two extremely welcome house guests," Barba added needlessly and kissed the side of her head.

"So if I can get in touch with Rob?" Rollins asked.

"ASAP - we'd be grateful if your friend can help us out, otherwise we'll just have to take a few runs in a cab," Olivia explained.

"I'll get back to you in 10…" there was a pause and then Rollins added, "…and for what it's worth, I'm very happy for you both. He's a good guy and you both deserve to be happy."

Olivia closed her eyes and smiled, "Thanks, Amanda."

* * *

Six hours later, Barba had just given Rob an insanely expensive bottle of scotch and pushed his door closed when he turned and surveyed the chaos.

"Your poor apartment, it looked pristine when we first arrived," Olivia glanced around with a pained expression and then looked at Barba apologetically.

Barba laughed and walked over to wrap his arms around her affectionately. "It looked pristine because I lived here alone, it was a place to eat, sleep, wash and refuel before going back to work. Just standing here with you…and with Noah sitting in his walker surrounded by all of his worldly belongings…already makes this place feel more like home. Mess it up, 'Liv…my home, my life…because I promise you I've never been happier."

Olivia let out a little sob and buried her face against Barba's shoulder, "Thank you…God, I love you."

Barba rocked and held on a little tighter, "We could decorate?"

"I like it how it is…" Olivia said shaking her head and pulling back to look around, "…maybe needs a little music though."

He smiled and then reached to pull out his phone, after flicking through options quickly he played some soft Cuban music through his speakers.

Olivia smiled. _"Perfect…"_ she stepped back into his arms and he rocked a little, swaying along with the music.

"I know what we will need to decorate, Noah's bedroom…" Barba said softly as he gently turned them around. "We could all go shopping tomorrow and pick some things out…although maybe our first stop needs to be stroller shopping."

"No work?" Olivia asked.

"I called and took a few personal days when we were at the courthouse. I explained the unusual circumstances. I think we need a few days to readjust to our new living arrangements."

Olivia smiled, "You really don't mind redecorating?"

"Mind?" Barba laughed. "This is Noah's home now, for as long as we decide to stay here, and what used to be my home office is about to be transformed into a little boy's bedroom…I think a little work will be necessary."

Olivia smiled, "And your office?"

"We'll have to find storage space for both of us in the living area...and when we need to we can work at the dining table," Barba suggested. "Maybe we could get a couple of lockable filing cabinets for the corner? Then we could have one each and secure things away from Noah as he gets older and starts investigating."

Olivia smiled, "You and me working together at your dining room table…I like the sound of that."

"Our table for as long as we're staying here, 'Liv. I never want you to feel like a guest," Barba amended softly and then suddenly spun Olivia out before bringing her back to his side.

Noah laughed at them both dancing together and bounced in his walker.

"He seems happy," Barba said contently, brushing his fingers over the back of her neck and then turning slightly to kiss Olivia's temple while watching the little boy.

"We both are," Olivia confirmed and closed her eyes.

* * *

Barba walked through to his bedroom later that evening to find Olivia sat cross-legged on his bed in pyjama shorts and an old t-shirt, reading Noah a bedtime story. He swore his heart skipped a beat at the unfamiliar but equally picture-perfect vision before him.

He stopped and smiled as he leaned on the doorframe and watched them both.

** _"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."_ **

** _"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit._ **

** _"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."_ **

Barba moved to sit next to Olivia on his bed, he looked over at the book and leaned a little against her, "You're reading him _The Velveteen Rabbit?_ I used to love that book."

Olivia smiled, "I know, you mentioned it once on a case a while back...then when I saw it in a bookshop one day I thought of you and couldn't resist."

"It's yours?" Barba asked with genuine surprise.

"Any opportunity to learn more about my favorite ADA," Olivia teased and brought her hand to rest on his thigh.

"Even random books I used to read as a child?" Barba asked softly, clearly stunned.

"It obviously meant a lot to you," Olivia said with a shrug and looked into the crib to see that Noah was fast asleep, "…so I wanted to understand why." She smiled at the sleeping boy and closed the book, passing it to Barba who turned the book over in his hand and could see it was well-read.

"I've been a fool…" He said warmly and put the book down next to him on the bed.

"We both have," Olivia replied a little sadly, but then looked back at Noah, "…but I think maybe this little boy came into our lives to teach us both a few lessons.

"Did you mean what you said to Amanda earlier in the cab? About me and Noah?" Barba asked.

Olivia tucked her arm around his waist and snuggled into him, "You have a special bond, Rafael. I meant what I said; I think it's highly likely that you are the first man in this little boy's life to show him love, so of course he'll grasp onto that."

"He clearly loves you as well," Barba reassured.

Olivia smiled, "I know. I think the bond you both have is beautiful. I completely understand why he adores you so much because it's something Noah and I have in common. He's a lucky little boy, he's going to have Rafael Barba in his life to show him how a real man treats the people he loves."

Barba turned and kissed her neck, "I love having Noah in here…but I also can't wait to get his bedroom sorted."

Olivia grinned, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…" Barba murmured sincerely.

"We're talking at least a couple of days," Olivia said quietly and tucked her hand under his shirt, tracing his side softly, "…we need to get paint, do the work…allow it to dry and for the fumes to…"

Barba cut her off with a whisper in her ear, "Want to go fool around a little on my couch?"

"Rafael Barba!" Olivia whispered with mock horror. "I'm not that kind of girl."

"You're no girl…" Barba whispered against her ear, his lips brushing her skin, "…you're _all _woman."

Olivia licked her lips, glanced at Noah to make sure he was settled and then grabbed Barba's hand and tugged him up as she rushed for the bedroom door.

* * *

"…You need to know we'll be doing a lot more than a little fooling around," Olivia informed as she dropped back onto the couch and pulled Barba down on top of her.

He groaned as their lips collided and he felt her tongue trace his teeth eagerly, "Fuck…" Barba hissed and smiled against her cheek as his mouth moved to lick hungrily down her throat. When his lips came into contact with the top of her shirt he gripped it with his teeth and tugged a little looking down and finding her bare underneath. "Have I mentioned how much I love seeing you parade around my apartment half-naked?" He asked between his teeth as he continued to teasingly tug on the material.

Olivia laughed, "I am not half-naked and I do not parade…"

Barba grinned and watched her shirt bounce back into place as he tugged his teeth away, "You're wearing nothing but a shirt and shorts…and I definitely saw you walk…trust me, in my head _that's_ the best parade I've ever seen."

She laughed again and brought her fingers to stroke over his hair as Barba's face moved down between her breasts.

One of his hands tugged up her shirt and Olivia gasped when his lips covered one of her taut nipples eagerly.

_"God, Rafa…"_ Her head dropped back and her eyes closed.

Barba quickly moved down and started tugging on her shorts, his lips and tongue kissing and tasting her belly.

"You don't have to…" Olivia gasped as he pulled her shorts off her legs and slid his hands eagerly under her thighs.

"Te deseo…" Barba murmured coarsely as he looked up, his dark eyes glowing as he smirked up at her from between her legs and ran his tongue slowly over his bottom lip.

Olivia thought for a second that she might cum from that sight alone, then growled and bucked up off the couch when she felt his lips and tongue enthusiastically cover her clit.

* * *

The next morning, Olivia woke slowly...her eyes remained closed as she allowed her mind to adjust to the breath-taking sensation of waking up surrounded by Rafael Barba - her head on his pillow, his arms wrapped around her from behind.

Olivia smiled when she realised that his hand had snuck up under her shirt overnight and was now gently cupping one of her breasts. She thought back to the night before. Barba had made her cum twice with his mouth before finally making love to her leisurely on his couch. They had showered together, dressed in casual nightwear...then he had carefully dried her hair before they'd crawled into his bed. She had laid entwined with him for at least an hour as they talked softly about everything and nothing, while occasionally exchanging kisses and exploring touches.

She stroked her hand over his forearm now and slowly opened her eyes to see that Noah was still fast asleep in his nearby crib. Turning carefully in his arms she faced Barba and kissed him.

A smile grew across his face as he woke and his lips naturally moved back towards hers for a second kiss. "Mornin'…" he whispered softly as his eyes flickered open.

"Morning," Olivia replied and kissed him again. "I've decided that nothing in the world could possibly feel as good as waking up in your arms," she confided with a smile, as though she was sharing an illicit secret.

He kissed her lips again, "S'good, 'cause I plan on makin' it a habit…"

"I also love your voice first thing in the morning - all rough and sleepy…" she grinned against his lips.

Barba groaned and pulled her as close as possible, his legs tangling with hers possessively. "Are we sure I'm not dreaming?" he asked, smiled and closed his eyes.

Olivia laughed and traced her lips up along the side of his nose before peppering kisses over his eyelids, "Not possible…I've never had a dream that felt this good, even my imagination couldn't do this justice."

Barba chuckled and combed his fingers through her soft dark hair, "Eres el amor de mi vida."

"Bésame…" Olivia replied softly and felt tears well in her eyes as his lips covered hers.

After a couple of minutes of soft, teasing and almost playful kisses, they heard Noah begin to stir nearby, "'Liva…Ba-ba…" his little voice said softly as he woke.

"I'll get Noah and then make breakfast, mi corazón. If we get an early start on the day we could be home by lunchtime," Barba suggested, kissing her lips gently a couple of times as he started to leave.

Olivia's eyes welled a little at the term of endearment and she sat up to kiss him again before he moved away, one hand propped her up and the other traced down his chest and stomach. "I love you, sweetheart," she whispered softly.

Barba blinked, obviously still feeling emotional hearing those words and then nodded dazedly and kissed her, "No puedo imaginarme cómo hubiera sido mi vida sin ti…" and was gone before Olivia had the chance to respond.

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I accidentally slipped into 'Bobby' for a second then when Rafael was inviting Olivia to mess up his life! No one's fault but Raúl... 😝


	11. Moving On

Barba and Olivia had quickly chosen mint green paint, then Noah had personally selected a giraffe and elephant from a collection of toys. From that, they had decided on a wild animal motif…finished off with a lamp that Barba had picked up which would project the night sky on his ceiling.

They loaded everything into a cab and managed to get all the boxes upstairs with Noah.

"We only just bought the crib," Olivia pointed out with a smile as Barba pushed a large box into his room.

"We can leave that in our room for a while in case we need it…" Barba thought sadly about the nightmares and silently hoped that they were behind them, "…but _this_ bed has removable sides and he'll be ready for a big boy's bed soon. Won't you, Noah?"

Noah grinned at Barba from his stroller.

"Right…first job, remove all this stuff. I'm going to pack up a lot of work and take it back to the office," Barba said as he took off his jacket and started moving files into boxes.

"You won't need it?" Olivia said with concern that he was once more overhauling his life.

"I've ordered us both a lockable oak cabinet for the living area, we can keep the work that we need to bring home in those. I know that will be inevitable, but I don't plan on bringing work home for the sake of it any more…when I'm home I want to spend as much time as possible with you and Noah."

Barba started piling books and files into boxes. Olivia smiled and nodded, yes there were going to be changes for both of them – but that did not have to be a bad thing.

* * *

Barba walked into his office carrying three heavy boxes and Carmen quickly jumped to her feet and rushed to take one.

"I thought you were taking a few days?" She asked and gasped quietly when she felt the weight of the box she had taken.

"I am - I'm just having a clear-out at home and wanted to bring these in. There's three more with security downstairs, so I need to go straight back down…" Barba walked through and dropped the boxes on his desk, then turned and retrieved the one Carman was holding, he nodded his thanks and put it down alongside the others.

"Would you like me to help you to sort through them, Mr Barba?" Carmen offered.

Barba shook his head, "I'm going to get the rest up here and then just lock them in for a few days. They can wait until I get back…I need to get home."

Carmen nodded, a little bewildered, "What is all this?"

"Files and work from home, I needed to make some space and let's just say it has accumulated over the years," Barba smiled at the boxes, "…I intend to take a lot less work home with me in the future."

His assistant nodded, still looking at the boxes, "I heard…I mean, is it true that you've got custody of the little boy from the Porter case?"

Barba smiled, "News travels fast…yes, I have. Noah is going to be living with me from now on, eventually, I plan to make the situation more permanent."

"You're going to adopt?" Carman asked, clearly surprised.

Barba nodded, "I'm changing my priorities, Carmen." With that in mind, he was reminded to look inside the top of one of the boxes and hand her some paperwork. "Can I trust you to start the ball rolling on this while I'm off? I'll be back to deal with whatever the repercussions are in a few days…"

Carmen skimmed the papers and them looked up at him with a smile, "These are disclosure papers?"

He smiled and nodded, "Time to put my family first."

Carmen nodded and Barba was surprised to see that she looked a little emotional, "Sure…I mean, that's wonderful, Mr Barba. Please, let me help you bring up those last boxes. I bet Lieutenant Benson and your little boy are waiting for you at home."

* * *

When Barba finally arrived home Noah was fast asleep in his stroller in the living area and he could hear activity down the hall.

He walked in and was surprised to find Carisi and Olivia both making extremely fast work of painting Noah's bedroom. The room had already been completely cleared out and was barely recognisable.

"You guys have been busy!" Barba smiled from the doorway.

Olivia turned on her steps and grinned, "Carisi had a day off and volunteered to come over to help, we wanted to surprise you…I actually thought you'd be longer."

"I could leave…" Barba teased and pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

Olivia laughed and climbed down. Seemingly completely unaffected by Carisi's presence she walked over, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, "No chance, many hands make light work so get yourself a brush, mi vida."

Barba was a little taken aback by her openness around Carisi but followed her lead and kissed her affectionately, "A veces me vuelves loco pero te amo con locura."

Olivia laughed joyfully and rubbed her nose against his before giving him one last kiss, bending to pick up a brush and handing it over. "Change first, but then I want you back in here ready to paint!"

"Yes, boss…" Barba retorted with an eye roll and Carisi laughed.

"Not much is changing in your relationship then, Lieu's still in charge!" He said as he ran a paint roller down Barba's wall.

"Careful, Carisi…" Barba warned with a slight smile, "…not much has changed, your boss might have me under her thumb but her team are a very different matter."

Olivia laughed, "Play nice boys, I want this bedroom finished by dinner…I might even stretch to pizza."

"Yes, boss…" they both said in unison and Olivia laughed as she climbed back up her ladder and got back to work.

* * *

Several hours later, the bedroom and pizza were finished and Carisi had already gone home. Noah's bedroom had been left with its windows open to air and Noah was fast asleep in their bedroom.

Olivia lay on the couch curled up next to Barba, his arm banded around her waist from behind as they watched a movie on TV.

"I love this…" Olivia said softly and snuggled back against him happily, "…Noah fast asleep in the next room, you and me cuddled up on the couch watching TV…"

Barba smiled, brushed Olivia's hair to the side and kissed her neck, "I could certainly get used to it."

"Till we're 85?" Olivia asked and turned her head to meet his lips.

"Sounds perfect," Barba agreed and closed his eyes, he wasn't even really watching the movie. "You know there is _one _person I really need to talk to…"

Olivia was silent for a few seconds and then suddenly gasped, "Rafael! Your mother!"

Barba laughed and kissed her neck again, "I've gone from being a bachelor to having a long-term relationship and a child in about a week…I think I'll need her to sit down first!"

Olivia laughed and turned carefully to face him.

Barba hooked his leg over her hip to ensure that she was secure and then kissed her gently.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Olivia suggested.

Barba rested his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and thought for a few seconds. Then he looked at her again and shook his head, "How about I go to see my mom tomorrow, talk it all through with her and then bring her back here in the evening? I want to have time to explain everything properly...and just in case she does react badly at first I do not want either of you in the crosshairs…"

Olivia looked concerned, "You _really_ think that's a possibility?"

He let out a breath and then shrugged, "Not in the long-term…but this might seem fast from the outside, so before you meet again a need to make sure that she understands a couple of things."

* * *

Barba went to knock on the door and found it slightly open. He pushed it and stepped inside, "Mami?"

As he walked through to the main living area he called out again, "Mom, are you there...?"

Lucia Barba walked through with some drinks and smiled at him weakly, "Rafi, so to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"There has to be a reason for me to visit?" Barba asked.

"Generally? Lately? Yes…" Lucia observed and shrugged. Her relationship with her son had been strained since her own mother's passing, but she felt it was less to do with their relationship than her son's own regrets.

"I'm always happy to see you, Mami," Barba assured sadly and sat down. "You know you shouldn't leave the door opened like that."

"I knew you were coming over, you want me to leave the door closed on my own son?" Lucia asked pointedly.

Barba shrugged, "Or you could do what most people do, answer the door when I arrive and knock…"

Lucia sighed, "Did you really come over to critique my approach to receiving company or does this visit have a more _specific_ reason?"

He stood and walked to a small collection of bottles in the corner, poured himself a whisky and drank, "Now, _this_ is why I left them at home to talk to you first…why must we always start with this passive-aggressive dance, Mami?"

His mother sighed and tossed up a hand, "I don't know, why don't you tell me, Rafi?" She paused for a second and then frowned, "Wait a minute, left who at home? Since when do you have anyone at 'home'?"

Barba sighed and sat down opposite his mother, he leaned forward and looked at her affectionately, "Mami, I have Olivia and my foster-son Noah waiting for me at home…"

Lucia looked stunned and sat back in her chair, "Olivia…Benson? Your friend from work?"

"Olivia Benson, my…girlfriend…" he smirked and rolled his eyes, "…that doesn't sound right…my lover…mi corazón…"

"Rafi?" Lucia looked surprised to hear her son being so emotionally forthright.

"We initially acted as a temporary home for Noah…but, Mami, I fell in love with this little boy, as did 'Liv…and yesterday the judge placed Noah in my custody for a year…after which I will have the option to adopt."

Lucia was almost speechless, "You have custody of this child?"

Barba nodded, "The judge said that she could see our connection…"

"And Ms Benson?" Lucia asked.

"Has moved in with Noah and me, we're a family," Barba explained succinctly.

Lucia shook her head, "Rafi, surely you can hear how crazy this sounds? I spoke to you a little over a week ago and everything was fine …normal."

Barba smiled, "Yes, and now nothing is normal and everything is…wonderful!"

She smiled a little now, "You're really happy?"

"Mami, I'm in love with this astonishing woman, and she is in love with me…and we have this beautiful little boy…" Barba grinned more broadly than his mother had seen him smile since he was a child, "…he calls me Ba-ba!"

Lucia laughed, "I…well, you were never conventional…"

"I want you to meet them," Barba explained.

"But you didn't bring them with you?" Lucia asked with a slight frown.

"I needed you to understand first, I couldn't bear for them to be hurt…for you not to understand and…" He trailed off and Lucia tilted her head asking him to explain. "I know this has happened quickly but Olivia has been a huge part of my life for a long time…part of my_ family._ What we have now is permanent, Mami, and I need you to understand that they are now my non-negotiable priorities."

His mother let out a little sob and covered her face, Barba leaned forward quickly and rested his hand on hers, "You're still my family…of course, you are…I just…"

Lucia looked up at him, smiled and shook her head, "Oh, Rafi, I know…I'm just so happy for you." She paused and then added, "I had a feeling that I liked Ms Benson - a good man appreciates and needs a woman who keeps him on his toes."

_TBC..._


	12. Meeting Lucia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days so this is a bit of a filler chapter until the next part starts - a couple of people said that they were hoping to read Olivia and Lucia bonding, so here we go! 
> 
> This story is going to get a little more dramatic for a few chapters from here on... 😯

Barba and his mother arrived at his apartment a little earlier than expected and Olivia was busy finishing Noah's evening bath.

He pushed open the door, then directed his mom around Noah's baby walker and through a couple of piles of toys.

When Lucia smiled in amusement at her son he laughed and shrugged, "It seems that when you have an 18-month-old, any attempt at organisation or routine is merely aspirational."

"I'm pleased to see that your life has become a little more disorderly, Rafi. I've always been proud of you, but joy can be found in chaos," Lucia cleared a space on her son's usually pristine sofa and sat down. "Now, are you going to introduce me to this instant family of mine?"

Barba smiled and rolled his eyes, "They're not coffee, Mami, and if they were they're certainly not instant...we're talking a perfectly made rich cafecito."

Right at that moment, Olivia walked through with her hair pulled up high in a top knot, wearing nothing but an oversized NYPD t-shirt matched with a pair of Barba's boxers. When she saw them both she jumped and brought her hand to her chest in surprise.

"Rafa! M-mrs Barba…" she looked down at her clothes and then tugged at her hair a little self-consciously, "…well, obviously I was going to change," She laughed and rolled her eyes, "…but then Noah needed his bath and the time just…"

Barba laughed softly and then naturally walked to stand closer to Olivia, "'Liv, you remember my mother, Lucia…"

Olivia smiled at Lucia and then stretched across some of the debris to shake her hand, "It's a genuine pleasure to meet you again, Mrs Barba…I'm sorry that it's been so long."

"Lucia, please…so you are the lady to finally tame my Rafi?" She sat back down and smiled pointedly at Olivia.

Olivia looked at Barba and raised her eyebrows, then shrugged and smiled at his mother, "Well, I don't know about tame…"

"Many women have tried and failed to change my Rafi," Lucia pointed out.

Olivia laughed now, but then looked at Lucia firmly and confidently when she replied, "Well, I don't know if that's true…but I have no interest in changing your son. Rafael has been my closest friend for a long time, I know who he is – faults and all – and he knows mine. We're going into this with our eyes open."

Lucia raised her eyebrows at Olivia and then nodded at her son, "Smart."

Barba smiled proudly, "You have _no_ idea, 'Liv has devoted her life to representing and supporting people who are at the worst kind of crossroads in their lives..."

Olivia stepped to lean into Barba's side and then smiled at Lucia, "As has your son. He's the best ADA that I've ever worked with. He's smart, empathic, brave…he puts himself out there by taking on cases and offenders that most people wouldn't even try to convict. Sometimes I sit in court watching him work and I feel so proud that I swear I can feel my heart swell."

Lucia looked surprised and touched by Olivia's words, she looked to her son and could see that he was similarly affected. "Rafi always did give everything to his career," she smiled proudly.

Olivia nodded, "…It's more than that, Lucia. I know what his career means to Rafael, but I've watched him time and time again risk his reputation in order to do what is right or to protect someone who needs him. He's genuinely the best man I've ever known, you should be extremely proud."

Barba stepped closer to Olivia and their eyes connected as he tucked some hair behind her ear. Then he kissed her softly and brought her into a tight embrace, "Te amo más que nada en el mundo…" he whispered.

Suddenly the three heard a noise from the next room.

_"Ba-ba!"_ Noah's voice called out happily.

Olivia grinned and ran her fingers over the back of Barba's neck gently, "He must have heard you…"

"Is he ready for bed?"

Olivia shook her head, "He fell asleep so I thought I'd leave him for half an hour…"

Barba smiled at his mother, "I'll go to get him - but I'll get him ready for bed before I bring him through, then we won't have to worry later."

Lucia looked a little surprised but then nodded. Olivia followed not far behind, "Make yourself at home, Lucia…I'm just going to change into something a little more appropriate."

* * *

They arrived in their bedroom and Barba smiled at Noah who was happily sitting up in his crib holding onto the bars. "Give me one moment, mijo, I just need to do something very important!" He said with a smile and then surprised Olivia by turning and threading his fingers into her hair, pulling her towards him and covering her lips in an eager and passionate kiss. "I…really…love…you…" he said between kisses, grinning against her mouth.

Olivia laughed but returned his kisses, "None of that could have been a surprise, you must know by now that I am a platinum member of the Rafael Barba Fan Club…" she laughed and then kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his neck and stepping so their legs were linked, "…we have pins and everything!"

Barba laughed, "You might be the only member."

"That's not true. Carisi is definitely paid up…I'm pretty sure even Rollins and Fin have annual memberships…maybe even Dodds…." she looked over at Noah and smiled, "…and I know that little boy of ours is a fully paid-up lifetime platinum member, just like me."

They kissed again and turned to find Noah grinning at them.

"He is ours now, isn't he?" Barba smiled and let out a long breath as he rested his forehead against hers.

"Ours," Olivia said thankfully, "…just let anyone try to come between me and my boys and see what happens."

* * *

A few minutes later, Olivia had changed quickly and left Barba to get Noah ready for bed.

She walked back through and found Lucia tidying toys into a nearby toy box.

"You don't need to do that," Olivia said gratefully and walked over to help Lucia put away the last few.

Lucia smiled at her warmly, "The trials of motherhood."

Olivia laughed, "I'm still adjusting, but Rafael and I are a team so we're figuring it out together."

"I've never even seen Rafi with children," Lucia smiled with amusement, "…he's _really_ pulling his weight?"

Olivia smiled and they sat down together on the couch, "We're both learning, but Rafael is wonderful with Noah…that little man adores him."

"I've always tried to avoid placing expectations upon my son. His father was good at that…and although with good intentions his abuelita always had high hopes for him to live up to," Lucia observed.

Olivia shrugged a little and decided not to address the comment about her lover's father unless it became unavoidable, "Rafael places high expectations upon himself, Lucia. I know how much he loved his abuelita, I caught him singing a lullaby to Noah the other night…something she used to sing to him?"

Lucia smiled, "Duérmete mi niño?"

Olivia nodded, "It's beautiful…"

After a few seconds, Lucia nodded and then looked closely at Olivia, "He's spoken to you about his father?"

She narrowed her eyes a little and then nodded, "We have no secrets."

Lucia sighed, "You really love my son, this isn't…convenience? Or about the boy? I know you said that you admire his work, but he's not as tough as he might appear."

Olivia sighed and turned to face Lucia fully now, "Lucia, your son is my best friend. I've shared parts of myself with Rafa that I've never shared with another living soul. He is my constant, the person I laugh with…" she paused, smiled and then continued, "…he's also the most attractive man I've ever known. We have chemistry, Lucia. It's been there from the start. We understand each other, trust each other…_completely."_

Lucia's eyes were looking suspiciously moist now.

"So…yes, Lucia. I love your son. I adore your son. Es el amor de mi vida…" Olivia finished.

A tear ran down Lucia's face now and she was about to reply when Barba walked back into the room with Noah.

"Mami, I want you to meet someone very special…this is Noah," he walked over and introduced the little boy proudly; Noah held onto Barba and smiled at the visitor cautiously. "And Noah, this is my mommy…your…" he paused and glanced at Olivia before finishing, "…your abuelita."

"Ba-ba mommy?" Noah asked and reached out to touch the ladies face.

Lucia smiled, surprised to find her heart racing a little after Barba had introduced her as Noah's abuelita.

"It's very nice to meet you, Noah," Lucia said softly and smiled at the little boy.

Noah smiled a little more broadly now, looked up to check that Olivia looked happy and then smiled back at the lady, "Ba-ba mommy..." he repeated and then grinned at Barba.

"Can you say abuelita?" Barba asked.

Noah held on tightly to Barba and thought carefully.

"Abue-lita…" Barba repeated slowly and smiled.

"Abu-ta…" Noah wrapped his arms around Barba's neck a little shyly and buried his face in his shoulder.

"That's good, Noah! That's really good!" Barba praised proudly and hugged him. "We have a little genius here," he smiled up at Olivia, his eyes glowing.

Barba moved to perch on the sofa close to Olivia. Lucia noted that it was not the most comfortable seat he could have chosen…but that did not appear to be his priority.

They chatted and talked between themselves for about half an hour, bringing Noah into the conversation often, until Olivia finally reached around Barba and placed her hand on the little boy's cheek. He was now fast asleep in Barba's arms.

"Someone has had enough," she observed with a smile.

Barba leaned into Olivia side a little and then nodded, "I'll take him through…"

Olivia shook her head and reached around him, "I'll take him, he's fast asleep so I'll only be a few minutes."

Barba passed him over gently; his hand sliding down Olivia's arm as he let him go, then his thumb stroked over her fingers.

Olivia got up, smiled at Lucia as she passed by and then walked him through to their bedroom.

Lucia smiled at her son, "You're a very lucky man, Rafi - your family is beautiful."

Barba nodded and swallowed back a little emotion, "I know."

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get a little rocky in paradise. Angst and drama ahead! 🤭🥺


	13. Unknown

The next afternoon, Barba had a call asking him to go into work for a few hours. As it was a nice day, Olivia decided to go down to the park near his apartment so that they could get some fresh air.

She sat on a bench next to the sandpit and watched Noah happily pile up sand and then knock it down.

After about 20 minutes, a young woman walked over with a little girl, she placed her in the sand near Noah and then took a seat on the same bench.

Olivia watched them start to wordlessly communicate and play together and looked up to smile at the woman. "Your daughter is beautiful…"

"I'm Sophie's nanny," the woman explained with a warm smile, "…It's actually our last day together, her parents are moving back west for work."

Olivia nodded at the woman empathetically, "That must be hard, have you been looking after her for long?"

The woman smiled sadly and nodded, "A little over a year…" she shrugged at Olivia but then added, "…it's a little sad, but it's part of the job…"

Olivia held out her hand, "Sorry - Olivia Benson."

"Claire, Claire Scott…it's a pleasure to meet you," Claire shook her hand and then reached into her bag for a drink box. She picked out one, then another and nodded at Noah, "Would he like one? They're natural and sugar-free."

"Oh thank you, that's very kind…Noah has just finished his drink. I was just thinking of taking him for a walk to get one, but he's having a nice time and that would mean we could stay a little longer," Olivia replied gratefully.

Claire smiled and Olivia watched as she carefully passed out the little drinks and then sat back down.

After a few minutes, Olivia moved to sit on the grass next to Noah and looked up at Claire. "I hope this isn't rude, but do you have a new position yet?"

Claire was tidying away their things but stopped and shook her head, "Not yet, my notice was pretty short…I've only just started to advertise."

Olivia nodded, "I work full-time, as does my…_partner_…we've both had a little time off lately but we were talking about needing to look for some childcare for Noah last night."

Claire raised her eyebrows, "Full-time?"

"Yes, although my partner is a DA and I'm an NYPD Lieutenant – so I have to warn you that the schedule might be…_complicated._ We're still a little new to this, to be honest, we haven't really thought it all through…" Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes.

Claire smiled warmly and nodded, "Well, maybe I could come around and meet your partner…husband? They do like to have a say."

"We're not married, but I know Rafael would want to meet you. We would also need to check references as well - you seem lovely but in our jobs, we learn that you can never be too careful," Olivia added.

Claire nodded, "Of course," she agreed and then laughed a little, "I mean, you can't just pick up some random woman in the park and then leave her to look after the most precious thing in your life."

Olivia smiled then reached into her pocket and pulled out a card, "Give me a ring and we can arrange for you to come over."

* * *

The next day Claire came around and met Barba, she brought with her three written references from previous employers and the numbers of two people who said that they would be happy to talk to Olivia and Barba about her work. She also showed them various qualifications and certifications in first aid and childhood education that impressed both of them so much that they agreed to give Claire a trial run starting the following week – as long as her telephone references checked out.

That evening both Barba and Olivia called the numbers and heard glowing reports of Claire's dedication, flexibility and professionalism.

* * *

The following Monday, Barba started back at work in the morning and Olivia had arranged to start back slowly and do a few hours in the afternoon.

Noah cried for about half-an-hour when Barba left for work, and then Olivia had to go through the trauma of leaving Noah later that afternoon as well. Hearing his cries and screams through the door as she walked down the stairs, she almost turned back but forced herself to keep walking – telling herself repeatedly that this was best for Noah and that he needed to get used to being around other people.

Later that evening, Olivia met Barba from work and they came home together to find Noah looking happy and content – but still ecstatic to see them.

"Liva! Ba-ba! Home!" He called out and reached towards them, his little hand gripping hold of Barba's jacket as he picked him up and then he reached to grip onto Olivia's fingers.

"He's been okay?" Barba asked anxiously.

Claire smiled, "He's been fine. It took me about half an hour of repeatedly assuring him that you would be home…but eventually he settled and we had a great afternoon. We're becoming good friends, aren't we, Noah?"

Noah smiled and then looked up and touched Barba's face, "Ba-ba!"

Claire laughed, "Well, I know when I'm not needed anymore."

Olivia smiled at her new friend, "Don't take it personally - when Rafael is in the room he tends to pull focus…he's going to be a real daddy's boy."

Barba smiled at Olivia affectionately and kissed her before turning his attention to Noah and asking about his day.

"They're really very sweet together…" Claire observed quietly to Olivia as she picked up her bag.

Olivia smiled and nodded, "They are…"

"7 tomorrow?" Claire checked.

"Sure, and thanks for today," Olivia replied.

Claire picked up her bags, then paused by the door and looked back, "I was reading Noah his fish book today and he loved it, would you be happy for me to take him to the aquarium tomorrow? It should be a sunny day and it might be nice to have a trip."

Olivia looked at Barba who shrugged, "You'd be happy to do that, Claire?"

"Oh sure, I often take children I'm watching on outings – we'd be home by 4 so you guys wouldn't even know we'd been gone," she assured.

"Well, in that case, great. Take plenty of pictures, we'd love to see them," Olivia said happily.

Claire nodded, "Have a lovely evening and I'll see you tomorrow!"

* * *

When Olivia arrived home at a little after five the next evening she was surprised to find the apartment dark and empty.

After putting down her things she dug out her phone and called Claire.

It rang out.

Olivia smiled and forced herself to brush it off - it was still early, they were probably just stuck in traffic.

After another half-an-hour had passed Olivia was pacing by the window. She looked at the ten outgoing calls on her phone and clenched her jaw before scrolling down and pressing dial.

As soon as the line connected Olivia started talking, "Fin, I need a favor..."

"Sure, 'Liv, wassup?" Fin said casually.

"Noah was meant to be home with his minder two hours ago and she isn't answering her phone, could you…" She started.

Fin cut in, "On it now. Give me five…any details?"

"I'll send you her number, they were meant to be going to the aquarium." She sighed, "I mean, I'm sure that they're just stuck in traffic…I might be overreacting here…"

"'Liv, we'll do our thing…call you back…" Fin assured.

* * *

An hour later, Olivia had just got off the phone to Barba when she heard a knock at the door.

She opened to Rollins and Carisi, "You guys are meant to be off-duty…"

They walked in and through the living area, "We came back in..." Rollins explained cryptically and nodded toward the couch. "Boss, I think we need to sit down."

Olivia felt her heart start to race but tried to remain calm on the outside. "Tell me what you know," she said firmly as they sat.

"Fin looked at the footage. Claire Scott arriving with Noah at the aquarium at a little after 11 am this morning…" Rollins started.

"And…" Olivia pushed.

"At a little after midday, Claire and Noah are seen meeting with someone near to the entrance. After that, they are not seen in the building for the rest of the day – nearby security footage picked up what looks like the three of them leaving in a cab heading west at a little after 12:30."

"That's almost 8 hours ago…" Olivia said quietly, suddenly feeling a little light-headed.

Rollins glanced at Carisi and then was interrupted from whatever she was about to say when her phone rang.

Olivia watched her take the call and waited; although she could read her friends face and her growing nausea told her this was not good.

Rollins hung up, "Boss…'Liv…I…"

"Just be straight with me, _please…"_ Olivia said unintentionally sharply, she felt like she was about to fall off the edge of the world.

"Four calls from members of the public reporting a young boy being taken from a cab and transferred into another vehicle at about 1 this afternoon – he fits Noah's description and reports say that he was screaming and crying, "No".

"That still doesn't have to be Noah, this could just be a misunderstanding...a coincidence. The guy they met could be Claire's boyfriend. Maybe…I don't know…maybe he gave them a lift back and his vehicle broke down and…" Olivia stopped herself now, aware that she was rambling and clutching at straws. She looked at her friend and she knew Rollins had more to tell her. "What?" She asked, "Please, just tell me…"

"I'm sorry, 'Liv…"

"Amanda, what?" Olivia repeated.

"Two of the callers were very specific, they heard the boy shouting…" Amanda paused for half-a-second and Olivia felt her blood run cold like she almost knew what was coming, "…Olivia, I'm so sorry - they heard him shouting, 'No, want Ba-ba'.

_TBC..._


	14. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to get the next few chapters up quickly - it might be angsty - but they'll be all up by tonight and I won't hurt them, I promise 🥰

Olivia tried to process what Rollins was saying, she nodded calmly and closed her eyes. "So this was _definitely_ Noah…?"

"We don't know that yet, Lieu," Carisi said warmly.

"Of course we know that. He was upset, crying and called for 'Ba-ba'…" Olivia said and then stood to try to collect her thoughts.

Rollins watched her closely and frowned; her friend was far too calm.

Then the door opened and Olivia turned toward the light in the hall. Her legs carried her over without her brain even needing to engage and then within seconds Barba and Olivia collided into each other's arms.

Olivia buried her face into his neck, her attempts to control her emotions long forgotten in Barba's presence.

"Cariño…" Barba whispered softly, "…you should have called me earlier."

Olivia gripped him tightly and sobbed, the fingers of one hand clawing into his back while the other hand combed into his hair. "I just kept telling myself that I was overreacting, it felt like calling you would be _admitting..."_

Rollins and Carisi watched from behind, both of them obviously knew about their relationship and it was not news that they had always shared an uncommon closeness…but watching Olivia Benson completely let down her guard and fall into their old friend's arms like this was a revelation.

"Oh, God…Rafa…someone has him…someone has…taken him," she stuttered out against his shoulder and Barba felt his own blood run cold. "Who? What happened? Tell me everything…"

"Claire. She met someone. They have him…" Olivia said succinctly. "Witnesses have reported…" She pulled back and looked into Barba's eyes now, "…there are reports of a boy fitting Noah's description being taken away crying."

"How do we know that it's Noah?" Barba checked.

Olivia shuddered, closed her eyes and then opened them again, "Rafa…sweetheart…when he was crying he called for you."

Barba felt like every muscle in his body had tensed. Olivia fell back into his arms and he held her tightly – almost as though holding onto his lover was his last grasp on his own sanity. Maybe it was.

Somewhere behind them, a phone rang again and after a short phone call, Rollins hung up and looked at the couple.

"'Liv…" She said gently, "…they picked up Claire at a nearby drugstore, she's on her way to the station now."

Olivia moved back from Barba's embrace suddenly - but then after feeling an immediate chill reached and grabbed hold of his hand.

"We're going there now," she demanded firmly, "…I need to talk to her!"

* * *

Even if Olivia had been aware of the double-takes from a number of officers as they watched the SVU chief walk through the station hand-in-hand with the high-profile ADA, then she wouldn't have given a damn. Rafael Barba was her rock...and the only thing that seemed to be stopping her from falling over the edge right now.

They approached the interview room and stopped near the door, looking at Claire through the window.

"I'm coming in there with you," Barba said firmly.

"You're not," Olivia contended immediately, "…I'm trained for this, Rafa. If you go in there you'll only lose your temper…then she'll clam up and we'll get nothing. I need to connect with her. I can do this."

Barba let out a long breath and then moved to rest his forehead against hers, they spoke quietly – unaware that their friends were watching from nearby with obvious concern.

"I know that you can do this, mi Amor," Barba said softly, "…I'm there with you, right by your side. If you need me just look up at the window and know that I'm with you."

Olivia nodded, a tear escaping down her cheek.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered brokenly.

"Sorry?" Barba asked.

"I…I brought her home…I…" Olivia started.

"'Liv…we chose her, we checked her references, we agreed that she was the best person for the job…don't you dare put this on yourself," Barba said firmly and then kissed her. "We're going to find him, Cariño, we're going to bring him home."

Olivia nodded and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath then softly repeated, "You're right here with me, right by my side…"

Barba nodded, "Always."

She smiled weakly, then brushed her lips on his jaw before turning and forcing herself to walk through the door.

* * *

Claire looked up with a vacant expression when Olivia walked into the room and then looked back down at her hands.

Olivia sat opposite and tried to calmly collect her thoughts, then she looked back at the window and took a long deep breath.

_"Claire…"_ She said as softly as she could manage.

She didn't even look up so Olivia tried again, "I was just talking to Rafael outside, I was talking about the need to walk in here and talk to you calmly, to try to relate to you…to find a connection so that you might open up…"

Claire looked up at her blankly again and Olivia glanced back up at the window.

"Claire, I'm just going to be straight with you…" Olivia looked at her firmly. "I need you to tell me what you have done with Noah."

Silence.

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to control her nausea. "Claire, I know that you understand Noah hasn't been with us for long…less than a couple of weeks…but do you know that story?"

Claire scowled at her and Olivia frowned.

"Almost two weeks ago, myself and two colleagues found Noah crying in a room next door to his murdered mother. Investigations very quickly led us to believe, and then later prove without a doubt, that the murder had been carried out by Noah's biological father, Johnny Drake," Olivia continued calmly.

Claire was watching her talk attentively now.

"Claire, have you ever _met _Johnny Drake?" Olivia asked.

The young woman said nothing but looked back down at the table.

Olivia looked up at the window and then let out a long breath, "After the incident I suggested to ADA Barba that we both spend a little time with Noah, to see if he knew anything…or maybe was even capable of acting as a witness at the trial…"

Claire looked up at Olivia now with a sceptical face.

"ADA Barba and I have been very close friends for a long time, so he came to stay with me for a few nights to help with Noah…" Olivia started to explain.

The woman looked up at her now and raised her eyebrows.

"We fell in love with Noah, Claire…but that little boy also helped us to admit how we feel about each other. I've been in love with my best friend for a long time…but I've been too afraid to let my guard down…to risk everything…" Olivia let out a long breath and paused for a second before continuing, "…but watching Noah, and watching Rafael and Noah bond and build their beautiful relationship help to give me the strength to admit my own feelings, Claire. You've seen them together, you know how much they love each other…and you must be able to see how much I love them!" She raised her voice a little now and then stopped and glanced up at the window.

Claire stared at her coldly, but Olivia swore that she saw a brief flicker of emotion.

"Claire…"Olivia stood and then leaned on the table, "God, I have no idea if your _real_ name is even Claire…" She walked towards the low evening light of the outside window for a second and then turned to walk back towards the young woman. Olivia leaned down on the table and stared at her resolutely. "Claire, I need you to tell me what you have done with that little boy…who was that man you met?"

Claire rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Claire! This is my family! We're going to be a family! That little boy has been through enough! We have reports...I know that you heard him crying, I know that you heard him calling out for Rafael…" Olivia's grip was tight on the table now, "I've seen children who have been traumatised, Claire. I've seen the way he responds to Rafael. I believe Rafael might be the first man in Noah's life who has given him love or affection – that's why he reaches out for him, that's _why_ he makes Noah feel so safe!"

Claire looked up at Olivia now.

"Claire! Where is that little boy?" Olivia demanded again with tears in her eyes.

She looked away.

Olivia's hand gripped onto the table and then she suddenly flipped it up and sent it flying across the room. "Claire! TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU HAVE DONE WITH _MY_ LITTLE BOY!" She screamed and sent the girl falling back towards the floor.

The door flew opened and Fin and Carisi charged in to stand between Olivia and Claire, mostly out of concern for their friend. Barba followed behind and immediately wrapped his arms tightly around Olivia, one hand coming up to comb his fingers into her hair. His lips trailed down her temple desperately and he repeated soft words of love and comfort, "Cariño…Vida…sweetheart…we're going to find him…I swear…we're going to find him and Noah is going to come home…" He whispered as Olivia gripped him tightly and sobbed.

Claire looked up at them together from the floor, she looked terrified…but then slowly opened and closed her mouth wordlessly.

Barba kissed Olivia and pulled back to look into her eyes, "I love you, Olivia Benson…and I promise that we're not going to leave a rock unturned. You, me, Fin, Rollins and Carisi…we're going to find our little man and we're going to bring him home where he belongs."

Fin looked down at Claire and was surprised to find that she had tears in her eyes.

Claire watched Barba and Olivia carefully and tried to connect what she had been told with what she was seeing. She thought of Noah, of what she had seen in the past few days, then of how he had reacted when he'd seen her boyfriend and she closed her eyes. She'd been lied to often enough to recognise when it was happening again. She watched the lawyer and the cop together and a tear finally slipped down her cheek.

Olivia turned quickly when she heard Claire's quiet voice from the floor behind her.

"I never meant to hurt Noah...I thought..." she paused and then finished, ..."I'll talk…"

_TBC..._


	15. Two Shots

Rollins and Carisi ran around their desks and picked up their jackets.

Olivia rushed through and checked her gun.

"You're not going anywhere near this!" Fin said sharply as he followed them.

"You need to stay here and see if you can get anything else, Fin, and if you think I'm not going with them you're crazy!" Olivia snapped and was already following them towards the door.

Barba followed closely behind them.

"You're staying here, Rafa!" Olivia called back to him.

"I refer you to your recent statement to Fin…" Barba said firmly.

"You're not a cop, Rafa," Olivia slowed and looked at him.

"I can't just wait here for you to get back!" Barba implored.

Olivia sighed and held out her hand, "You stay in the vehicle and don't come near that house," she told him firmly as he took her hand and they followed Rollins and Carisi out.

_"Deal,"_ Barba said adamantly.

* * *

The first shot rang out less than five minutes after Olivia and Rollins had quietly made their way towards the rural house.

Both Carisi and Barba jumped in shared distress. They climbed out of the vehicle and looked at each other over the roof.

"Go!" Barba said firmly, "…I don't need a babysitter."

Carisi nodded, checked his gun, and was about to rush towards the house when the door opened and Rollins staggered out holding her shoulder.

"'Manda!" Carisi shouted and rushed towards the steps.

Rollins walked down the steps and then struggled down the path towards him. As soon as she was close enough she fell against Carisi and allowed him to take her weight.

"Fine…" Rollins muttered firmly as Carisi leant her against the vehicle and Barba rushed to their side. "Through…okay…just…hurts like hell." Her eyes rolled back as Carisi opened the back door and helped her to sit.

He pulled out his radio, "Officer down at 3378 Stackhouse…shot fired...back-up required," Carisi said quickly into his radio and then dropped down in front of Rollins. "Tell me the truth…"

"I'm okay…" Rollins assured again breathlessly. "'Liv...she gave up her weapon…to bargain for my release…" she looked up at Barba regretfully, "…I tried to stop her."

Barba looked pale but he shook his head, "You couldn't have. And Noah?"

"I think he's in the back bedroom…to the right of the property. I saw the shooter look in that direction before he fired…" Rollins forced out and then let out a long breath.

Barba nodded and looked at the house. He glanced at Carisi when he looked up at him and the detective shook his head sharply, "Barba, you are not going _near_ that property!"

"Are you going to leave Amanda here to stop me?" Barba asked pointedly.

"Help is on the way," Carisi tried to negotiate.

"That's my _family _up there, Sonny," Barba said stubbornly, "…you're not really expecting me to wait here?"

Carisi glanced at Rollins, who had now laid back on the seat and closed her eyes. "You have a plan?" He asked Barba sharply.

"Go around the back and see if I can get Noah out, we both know that would put 'Liv in a safer position as well…" Barba explained.

Carisi looked at the house, then at Rollins. He nodded and swore under his breath, "Fuck…"

Barba didn't wait for anything else, he simply turned and walked quickly towards the house, rushing along the perimeter and towards the back entrance.

Rollins groaned and blinked her eyes slowly, "'Liv's...gonna kill you…" she gasped.

* * *

Barba made his way around the house and to the right, he saw a low window cracked open slightly and rushed over. He looked through and saw Noah sitting upright in a cardboard box filled with blankets.

Pushing the window open slowly Barba lifted up his leg and carefully climbed over the edge. Hearing the noise Noah turned quickly towards the window.

Just as Barba brought his hand up towards his mouth to try to signal him to be quiet Noah shrieked loudly and reached out towards him.

_"BA-BA!"_ He yelled and fell forward as his excitement unbalanced him.

Barba rushed in and grabbed the boy, he covered his mouth with his fingertips and whispered quickly. "Shhhhhh….mijo…we have to be so so quiet!" Then his eyes closed when he heard a shout from the next room.

"You have two choices…you can leave with the boy and I'll just shoot the cop…or you can put him down and get your ass in here…"

Noah looked up at him innocently and reached out to grab his nose, "Ba-ba, home?"

Barba closed his eyes with frustration.

"I don't want to hurt the boy," the voice shouted boldly, "…but the cop…I definitely don't care about killing the cop. I already shot one, what do I have to lose by killing another?"

"Just go, Rafael, take Noah and _go!"_ Olivia shouted.

Barba's jaw clenched and he breathed in deeply, he looked at Noah and whispered quietly, "We _can't_ leave Auntie Liv…you understand that don't you, Noah?"

"Liva home?" Noah asked with wide eyes.

"Yes, I need to make sure Auntie 'Liva is safe so that we can all go home together…" Barba said softly.

Noah looked at him with complete trust and adoration.

"You remember the other day when Auntie 'Liva made us a den?" Barba asked quickly as he opened a closet door and kicked in the box. He picked up one blanket and put Noah down in the box, then he lifted the blanket over him.

"Pretty?" Noah asked.

"No lights this time, mijo…" Barba explained, "…but I'm going to get Auntie 'Liva and when we go home we can get all the lights you want, okay?"

"Pretty…" Noah repeated.

Barba nodded, "Pretty, I promise…"

The voice shouted again, "Taking your time in there, man…,if you don't want the cop…"

Barba kissed Noah's head, "We're going to play a game, Noah. I want you to close your eyes like this…." he closed his eyes and then opened and found that Noah had copied him, "…now keep your eyes closed for me, sweet boy. Closed for me until we come back to get you..." He kissed his head again and stood, pulling the blanket over him and shutting the door to the closet.

* * *

The door opened and Olivia closed her eyes in resignation and panic when she saw Barba walking in slowly with his hands up.

"Ba-ba?" The man holding the gun said derisively. "You wouldn't be ADA Barba, would you? The lawyer who thought that he could try to take down my brother and then just claim his kid? What does a grown-ass man want with a little boy anyway?"

Olivia snarled angrily and the gunman stepped towards her, "You like the lawyer, cop? Hey, you're not the girlfriend, are you? Because that would be just perfect..." He grinned.

"Just let her go," Barba said, his voice a little shaky, "…she has nothing to do with this!"

"You know I think she might…" the man smirked at him and directed Barba with the gun to move in front of him.

Barba walked around slowly, but then rather than standing next to Olivia he moved to stand in front of her.

"Over there!" The man shouted and pointed to the space _next_ to Olivia.

"I'm _not_ moving…" Barba said firmly and held up his hands, palms out. "This building is surrounded by police, and more are on the way…this _doesn't _end well for you, but how do you think it's going to end if you kill a cop?"

"I get a heroes welcome inside?" The man said with a sneer.

Barba took a step back and felt Olivia's hands come to rest on his back.

"You'll have to go through _me _first…" Barba said resolutely.

"So I shoot an ADA and a cop, they'll throw me a welcome party," he said with a shrug.

_"On death row!" _Olivia hissed frustratedly from behind Barba.

The man stepped forward and held the gun inches away from Barba's head, "What do we think? If I shoot you will I get her too? Two for one?"

Barba held the gunman's eyes but his arms had dropped, he reached back and slipped a hand into Olivia's.

"You'd die for your brother? You know he's never getting out don't you?" Olivia asked as she threaded her fingers with Barba's.

"I'm on my third. I'm going down for life anyway…I might as well take this guy with me…take some good news into my brother…"

Olivia saw his finger twitch on the triggered and felt her mind go dark, this was going to happen – did she even want to survive that?

In the time it took her to tighten her grip on his hand and blink her eyes Olivia heard a shot ring out.

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part within the next two hours...


	16. Aftermath

In the millisecond after hearing the shot Olivia braced herself for pain, then braced even harder for the sickening feeling of Barba's body falling back against her.

Then she looked up and saw the gunman drop to the ground - her eyes shot to the right and she saw the outline of Carisi standing in the window with his gun raised.

"Gah!" Olivia gasped incoherently and felt her legs buckle as she fell forward and dropped her forehead onto Barba's shoulder.

Barba's shaky hands reached back to grip her hips tightly as they braced against each other for support and Olivia's arms wrapped around him in a death grip.

"'Liv…" Barba barely croaked out, "…you okay?"

Olivia let out a humourless laugh and pulled back, she turned him to face her and looked into his eyes, "Am I okay? You almost died!"

"We almost died!" Barba said vehemently before kissing her.

Olivia kissed him back and then pulled away to look at him and run her hands over his face, "Mi vida, you have blood all over you. We need to get you cleaned up before you see Noah…."

Barba nodded shakily, "He's hidden in the next room covered in a blanket. I-I told him…I told him that we were playing a game…that he wasn't to open his eyes until we went to get him."

Olivia laughed tearfully and kissed him again, "Two weeks and you're already the best daddy I know…"

Barba chuckled, rested his forehead on her shoulder and breathed in her comforting scent. They were okay.

* * *

Barba washed his face quickly and then turned just in time to see Olivia walking towards him carrying Noah - the most beautiful sight in the world.

He smiled at the little boy, who grinned back at him happily.

"Home now, Ba-ba?" Noah asked innocently.

"Home now," Barba agreed and held out his hands when Olivia started to pass him over. "We might need to visit Auntie Liva's work first, but we're staying close together…just like this…" He held him tightly and leaned into Olivia's arms.

Olivia smiled, "He was just sat there with the blanket over his head, Rafa, even when I lifted it up his eyes remained closed until I spoke to him..."

Barba smiled tearfully and kissed his temple, "You're a good boy, mijo. Tomorrow we will build you a special den again - with lights!"

They heard a soft cough and looked up to see Carisi standing in the doorway, "'Manda's doing good, but they're taking her in now so I'm gonna…"

Olivia rushed over and threw her arms around him.

Carisi looked shocked and took a couple of steps back as he returned her embrace.

"Thank you, Sonny, thank you. I will never forget this for the rest of my life. I owe you…I owe you everything…" She held him tightly and finally felt her tears flow.

Carisi was stunned to feel his usually composed boss fall apart in his arms. "Lieu, Olivia…'Liv…" he stuttered emotionally and realised that a few of his own tears were falling, "…for you…for Barba…I hope you know I'd…"

Olivia held him tightly and shook her head, "I will never forget what you did for me today, Sonny," she pulled back and looked at him tearfully, "…not until the day I die. You saved my family, you are my family. You understand?"

Carisi nodded tearfully and then tilted his head back toward the door, "Amanda - I've got to…"

Olivia nodded, "Go…_go! _We'll see you later. We'll all see each other soon."

* * *

After stopping off for a couple of hours at the station, Barba finally held the door open for Olivia and Noah as they arrived home.

They walked straight through, dressed the sleepy boy for the night and then settled him down in his bedroom. Barba turned on the night-sky light and baby monitor before sitting next to Olivia while she read him a story.

Noah's eyes dropped heavily in minutes and he fell into a deep sleep.

"Do you want to go to bed as well?" Barba asked softly and tucked some hair behind her ear.

"We need a shower…" Olivia observed and ran her fingers down the side of his face.

"You can go first," Barba offered.

"If you think I'm letting you out of my sight for even a minute…" Olivia said sadly, then stood and held out her hand.

Barba took it and allowed her to tug him up and then direct him towards his en suite. He stood passively in front of Olivia as she took the lead in carefully lifting up his borrowed NYPD t-shirt and pulling it over his head.

"You want me to shower in my clothes?" She asked with a gentle smile as she moved to pull the cord on his sweatpants.

"I had a shower at the station…" Barba observed, suddenly feeling his bottled up emotions well.

"That was to get clean, this is a proper shower. We're going to wash off the day, together," she said softly and then nodded when he reached to pull up her top.

"How are you _so_ strong?" Barba asked with awe in his voice as he carefully pulled the shirt over her head and then slipped off her filthy and blood-stained bra.

"I have you…" Olivia smiled, but they both heard her voice crack, "…I didn't feel strong today, Rafa, not when I watched his finger start to pull at that trigger."

Barba's hands came up to frame her face and he leaned to kiss her. "You amaze me, 'Liv. My warrior…"

"You…" Olivia bit back a sob, "…the way you came into that house…the way you took care of Noah…and you walked into that room for me, Rafa."

"That was completely self-serving," he said with a slight smirk and his eyes sparkled at her a little.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, "How do you figure _that?"_

"What the hell am I meant to do without you both anymore?" He asked and then combed his fingers through her hair. "You've ruined me…" He chuckled softly and Olivia sobbed and pulled him into her arms.

"I love you, Rafael Barba…" Olivia half-laughed and half-sobbed onto his bare shoulder.

"Good thing, 'cause you're stuck with me now," he laughed softly and held her close.

"You were so brave," she said against his skin after a couple of minutes, "…my hero."

"I was terrified," Barba admitted with a shrug, "…every single second."

Olivia smiled and then kissed him, "But you came anyway."

"Carisi was the real hero," Barba added.

"He saved you, a second later and we might not be standing here right now. I owe him my whole life, I can never repay that," Olivia said sincerely.

Barba closed his eyes and took a deep breath - then he opened them again and started to tug at her matching pair of NYPD issue pants. "I know I keep saying this - but I really do love you, you know?"

Olivia laughed tearfully, "You can say that as often as you want!"

He walked them backwards as he encouraged Olivia to toe-off her pumps and then did the same. He reached around her to turn on the shower, then after checking that it was a comfortable temperature he directed them back under the spray.

"I love you…" he repeated with a teasing smile as he ran his hands down her arms. "I love you…" he smiled and kissed along her collarbone slowly before nipping her shoulder with his teeth and then licking the spot soothingly.

Olivia gasped and leaned back against the cool tile wall.

"I love you…" His lips closed over her nipple and then he grinned when her hips pushed forward against his hardening cock. His teeth grazed her taut peak and she groaned.

Olivia smiled broadly even as tears ran down her cheeks. "I need you to make love to me, Rafa," she entreated breathlessly.

"I am…" Barba whispered and then teasingly touched his lips to hers before pulling back, "…I love you…" he grinned and then allowed another brief taste of her lips before ducking away.

Olivia beamed and stepped closer, "Te adoro…" her hands slid around his waist and she turned him playfully under the spray.

Barba laughed and looked up at the showerhead, opening his mouth to let the flow fall into it for a second before stepping forward and playfully spurting the water at her neck.

Olivia squawked quietly and then laughed, wrapping her arms around him and holding him as close as possible. "I love you…" she repeated, her voice cracking a little as a couple more tears slipped down her cheek.

"Hey…hey…don't cry…" Barba whispered softly.

Olivia smiled and shook her head, she kissed up his neck leisurely and Barba felt a shudder run through his whole body, "Happy tears, sweetheart," she assured.

Barba smiled, nodded and then reached for some soap, "I'm not sure I'm feeling up to athletics though…" he admitted and kissed her as he flipped open the lid, "…how do you feel about finishing up in here and then moving to the bed?"

Olivia kissed him and ran her hands into his wet hair. "That sounds _perfect."_

_TBC..._


	17. Recovery

Barba intentionally twisted the hairdryer onto her face and Olivia laughed and elbowed him lightly in the hip. He smiled and ran his fingers through her hair, carefully angling downward and ensuring it wasn't damp.

Olivia turned on her chair and smiled up at him, "It's done. It's fine. Kiss me."

Barba smirked down at her, "We don't want damp pillows and I don't want you to get a headache."

She laughed and tugged at the towel aground his waist, "Well...I don't plan on sleeping for a while…"

"Oh, no?" He grinned and leaned down to kiss her teasingly.

"No…" Olivia said with a smile and tugged the towel loose, "…I have other plans."

Barba encouraged her to stand and then stepped up close so that their faces were inches apart. "And these plans? Are they _naked_ plans?"

"Ideally, almost all of my plans involving you are naked, at least in their early development stage…" She smiled against his mouth.

Barba looked down her cleavage and licked his lips, before pulling her own towel loose and watching it fall to the ground.

"Been having naughty thoughts about me in the workplace?" Barba teased and looked at her heatedly.

Olivia reached down between them and stroked his already responding length, "You have no idea, my mind can be known to wander during those evening 'de-briefs' of ours and we've worked together for a very long time."

"You haven't always been single…" Barba said uncomfortably and glanced away.

Olivia let out a long sigh then kissed from under his ear and down his neck. "I…I'm not saying it was a conscious choice – but I always wanted you - I think maybe that was my way of trying to move on from…" she moved back and looked into his eyes, "…I didn't think that you would want…"

Barba looked emotional and combed her hair back from her face with his fingers, "How could anyone not want you?" He kissed her gently and then started to walk her back towards the bed.

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head, then enjoyed the feeling of his lips gently tracing soft kisses over her face before she felt herself being guided back to lie under him. "Sometimes it feels like I've spent my whole life waiting and hoping that the people I love will love me in return. Maybe it seemed easier to fall into relationships that mean less. Less risk…"

"I love you…" Barba whispered softly and Olivia tried to choke back a sob. "I love you…" He whispered again with a teasing smile and Olivia grinned and craned her neck back as his lips traced down her throat.

Olivia's hands combed into his slightly damp hair, then she blinked and felt a tear slip down her temple.

"Hey…hey…mi amor, please don't cry…" Barba whispered softly having seen her tear and moved up to kiss it away.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face in his shoulder, "I was _terrified_ when I saw you walk into that room. If I'd lost you today, I'm not sure how I could've survived that…"

"You are stronger than all of us," Barba assured her.

"But you make me weak…" Olivia said tearfully and then moved to roll them so that she was on top. She smiled down at him now her eyes sparkling, "You also make me stronger, so don't do that again. I need you."

Barba nodded wordlessly, overwhelmed by the faith and love that this magnificent woman had bestowed upon him.

Olivia moved back, stroked him a couple of times and then finally sank down, rolling her eyes back at the feeling of his broad length filling and stretching her. "I need you…" she repeated teasingly and leant down to kiss him.

Barba laughed and arched up against her, pushing up to sit and hold her in his lap, "Just want me for my body then?" He teased and kissed her lips.

Olivia grinned and ran her hands down his arms, "It's such a lovely body…and I already had your mind."

He reached up to kiss her lips and vowed, "I'll never leave you."

"Never say never…" Olivia warned solemnly.

"Never by choice, I can promise you that," he said confidently. "I've spent my whole life looking for this…with you. I've often been accused of being arrogant, but rarely stupid."

Olivia smiled and nuzzled closer as they slowly began to move together.

* * *

A while later, Barba lay bonelessly with his head resting on Olivia's belly, her fingers slowly trailing through his hair.

"What shall we do tomorrow?" He said softly.

"No work?" Olivia asked.

He smiled, "I think I can take a few days…I need to spend some time with my family."

Olivia closed her eyes happily, "That sounds nice."

"I promised Noah a den…" Barba said after a minute or so, "…_with_ pretty lights."

"That we can do," Olivia agreed.

"Maybe some baking?" He suggested.

Olivia looked down at him, one eye open and a smirk on her face, "You bake too?"

Barba smiled, "Let's start simply, Torticas de Moron…"

"Cookies?" Olivia asked, her hands stroking over his shoulders gently.

He nodded, "I think Noah will enjoy it, or at least enjoy watching and getting a little involved."

"I have no doubt. That little boy can barely take his eyes off you…" Olivia said proudly, "…I know the feeling," she added and leaned to kiss his head.

Barba laughed softly and turned a little to kiss her belly, "We both feel exactly the same about you."

* * *

"We need grated lime rind…" Barba directed his enthusiastic Sous Chef as Noah watched on with fascination from his highchair.

Olivia reached across him to grab the limes and a grater and had just brushed the rind into the bowl when they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it…you two carry on baking…" Olivia said with a smile. She kissed Barba's temple and then ran her hand over Noah's head on the way to the door.

Still feeling a little edgy she looked to see who was at the door first and then smiled broadly before rushing to open up.

"It's so good to see you both!" Olivia greeted her friends warmly as she showed Rollins and Carisi through.

"We figured you'd need a little time, but as we were on the way home from the hospital we thought we drop in…" Rollins said with a smile.

Olivia noted for the first time that Carisi was still wearing the same clothes from the day before.

"I know, sorry if I'm a little pungent…" Carisi said with a smile, "…I went to pick up some clothes for Amanda but didn't think to stop for any for myself."

Olivia laughed as they walked through towards the kitchen, "Sonny, you probably saved both of our lives yesterday, you almost certainly saved Rafael's…you think I care if you're a little rumpled?"

Carisi shrugged a little sheepishly and then looked up as they entered the kitchen and smiled at the sight, "You're baking?"

"Rafa's baking…" Olivia clarified, "…I'm simply following orders."

Rollins smiled, "That's a change of pace for you…how is she taking to that, Barba?"

He looked up, then winked at Olivia before replying to Rollins, "Better than you'd think…"

Olivia scowled at him teasingly then looked at Rollins and her sling, "How is the arm?"

She nodded, "Not too bad - think I'll be off for a couple of weeks, then on the desk for a while, but the doc didn't seem to think there would be any lasting issues. I was lucky."

"You were shot!" Olivia laughed.

"Well, lucky as far as getting shot goes," Rollins clarified with a smile and then looked at Noah who was sat happily watching Barba roll out the cookies. "I think ya'all are worth it."

Barba smiled up at her and nodded with sincere thanks, "Can you both stay? These will only be ten minutes…"

Carisi smiled eagerly at Rollins and she laughed, "I'm not sure I would dare come between Sonny and what looks like home-baked cookies…so sure, thanks."

* * *

About twenty minutes later, they all sat in the living area drinking either hot tea or coffee and enjoying Barba's Torticas de Moron.

Olivia groaned and rolled her eyes when she took the first bite, "These are so good! That's it, I'm _definitely_ keeping you!"

"For my cookies?" Barba laughed.

Olivia's eyes glowed and she shifted Noah on her lap a little so that she could lean forward and kiss him gently, "You have a few other things going for you."

Rollins and Carisi watched them with sincere smiles. Their boss had always been very warm and ostensibly satisfied, but it was a revelation to see her this happy. Who knew that Barba could be the key?

Rollins looked over at the large structure of sheets, blankets and chairs in the corner of the room, "You guys been constructing?"

Olivia smiled proudly, "Den building. Want to have a look? If you think you can…"

Rollins nodded and put down her drink as Olivia passed Noah over to Barba. She watched the little boy move onto Barba's lap and then reach out with a smile to grab onto his shirt, "Ba-ba…" he said happily and rested his head on his chest. She smiled at Olivia who grinned and then nodded over at the den.

Olivia flicked on the lights as Rollins carefully dropped to the floor and used one arm to move towards the entrance.

"Sure you're okay?" Olivia asked with concern.

"Fine," Rollins said with a reassuring smile as they both made their way inside. She looked up at the sparkling lights and the way the colors reflected over the ceiling, "It's gorgeous, I bet Noah loves it."

"It's becoming our thing," Olivia said with a smile as they settled down a little and Rollins moved so her weight was supported by the wall.

"You seem so happy," Rollins observed.

"I am happy - I could have lost them both yesterday - I'm all in," Olivia said confidently.

"I never saw Barba as a family man before," Rollins nodded back towards the men, who they could hear had already fallen into a convoluted conversation about the law.

Olivia shrugged and smiled, "Rafael can be guarded, but you know him pretty well…he's more complicated than that."

Rollins nodded, "Of course…"

"He's…" Olivia smiled affectionately and paused to gather her thoughts, "…he's kind, funny, loving, sincere…he's a wonderful father…a loyal friend…a…" she lowered her voice, "…a wonderful lover."

Rollins grinned, "That good eh?"

Olivia laughed, "I'm happy and I'm in love. It feels amazing to let my guard down and know that I can trust this, you know?"

Rollins suddenly found herself surprisingly emotional, she told herself that it must be the lack of sleep and drugs she was on. "How are you both? After yesterday?"

Olivia nodded her voice still low, "Okay. Rafael woke with a nightmare once last night, but soon calmed and fell back to sleep in my arms… Noah seems good though, so that really helps."

"He had a gun to his head. I can't remember much, but from what Sonny has said he walked into that house for you and Noah, then walked into that room for you…that would affect anyone," Rollins pointed out understandingly.

Olivia nodded and felt her emotions overwhelm her for a second, "I…" she took a deep breath and continued, "…I adore him, Amanda. I don't know how I would have coped if…"

Rollins cut in, "He didn't. You're both here and you're doing good. I know it's easy to say, but you have to focus on what you have and not become overwhelmed by what you could have lost."

"I know…" Olivia nodded. "I don't even know how I got here."

Rollins raised her eyebrows.

"I thought all this had passed me by, now I'm in my late forties, in love with my best friend and we have this gorgeous little boy who is looking to us for love and security."

"I think all things considered he's a very lucky little boy," her friend assured.

Olivia smiled at her with raised eyebrows.

"He's loved, and I know he'll grow up in a home surrounded by love…we both know how important that is, 'Liv."

Olivia nodded and let out a long breath.

"Are you going to take some time?" Rollins asked.

"A few days at least...so is Rafael. We need to look for new childcare at some point, but I don't even know how to..."

Rollins nodded understandingly, "A friend of mine knows someone if you're interested. She's not a professional, I think she's at college, but I know she's a good kid."

Olivia nodded, "I'll need a few days, but I'll talk to Rafael about it…can you send us her number?"

Rollins nodded, "I'll text it tonight, her name is Lucy."

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say that I really liked the pictures of Raúl in SEARED so wanted to put Barba in the kitchen! 😍


	18. City Hall & Carrot Cake

Barba walked into the bedroom and stopped in his tracks by the doorway when he saw Olivia lying on his bed with Noah curled up next to her.

Had it really only been a little over two weeks since he regularly came home from work every night and slept in that bed alone?

She looked up at him and smiled, "He fell asleep - I'll walk him through to his room in a minute."

Barba shook his head and moved to lie opposite her on the bed, mirroring her position and lying with his arm curled under his head.

He watched them quietly for a few minutes and then whispered softly so as not to wake Noah. "I watched you sleep that night, you know? After Noah had his nightmare and you asked me to lie on the bed with you..."

Olivia smiled at him affectionately.

"I watched you both drift off to sleep and I…I felt overwhelmed by the idea of letting you both go…" Barba admitted softly.

She looked at him tearfully and nodded, "I felt the same when I woke the next morning to find you both lying next to me in bed. I wanted to reach out, to touch you…almost to convince myself that you were real, but I didn't feel like I could."

Barba smiled and his eyes glowed a little, "You can always feel free to touch me…" he teased softly.

Olivia laughed soundlessly, "I know that now." She waited for a few seconds, "You're going to be his father, Rafa…"

Barba felt emotion tighten his throat and he looked down at Noah, his hand came up to rest gently on the little boy's chest and he nodded before looking up at Olivia and turning the corner of his mouth up in a half-smile.

"I want to be his mother," Olivia added quietly and looked down at Noah. Her hand joined Barba's on Noah's chest and their ring and little fingers linked lightly, "…I want to be with him," she looked back up and met his eyes, "…I want to be with you."

Barba licked his lips and swallowed hard. He tried to find the right words but then the words found him and slipped out of his mouth without thought, "Then stay, forever…marry me."

Olivia looked shocked, they were heading in this direction but she never expected this so soon.

"I walked in here and saw you…" Barba stuttered out trying to make sense of his sudden and life-altering question, "…lying in here with Noah, and I just thought…I want you to belong here. I want this to be your home, not necessarily this apartment," he tried to explain, "just this, here, together."

"You…" Olivia said with a tearful smile.

"Me and Noah…I want us to be your home," Barba agreed.

"You already are," Olivia replied softly.

"I asked too soon, I don't even have a ring, I didn't think this through…" Barba cursed himself quietly.

"You make me feel safe, Rafael," She continued, ignoring his own admonishment.

Barba laughed softly, "Safe? Not exactly fireworks?"

Olivia wiggled closer her eyes burning into his, "Trust me, I feel that too. Desire. I've never felt what I feel with you…no one has ever…"

"Liv…" Barba said breathlessly.

"Everything about you…" She continued softly, she watched her hand trailing down his arm, then she looked up at his eyes, "…but don't you understand, that safety only heightens those feelings? I trust you, when I'm in your arms I give myself over to you completely…I've never had that."

"I love you, so much…" Barba replied and ran his hand down the side of her face. "I want everything with you. I know it's selfish, but I just…I never want to let you go."

"Yes," Olivia said and a tear ran down her cheek.

_"Yes?"_ Barba asked and frowned a little, not following.

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you. Yes, I'll stay forever. Yes, I'll adopt this little boy with you and then we can stumble through and try to figure out what the hell we're doing…together," she smiled broadly and her eyes glowed.

"I must be dreaming…" Barba said with wonder in his voice.

"I promise you, we're not," Olivia assured with a grin.

"I don't have a ring," Barba repeated, looking dazed and happy.

"I don't need a ring," she laughed a little.

"I'll get you a ring…" Barba said determinedly. "If we're doing this we're doing this properly."

"If we're doing this?" Olivia grinned.

"Oh, we're doing this…I have a verbal agreement…" Barba teased happily and leaned across Noah to kiss her chastely.

"Yes, counsellor," Olivia said with mock solemnity.

"You said yes," Barba smiled.

"I did," she confirmed.

"I didn't even mean to ask you," he added.

"You trying to take it back?" She asked with a grin.

"Hell no!" Barba replied and then looked down guiltily and was pleased to see Noah sleeping.

"I don't need bells and whistles…" Olivia assured, her hand linking with his.

"I was thinking more flowers and cake…" Barba retorted.

She laughed softly then bargained, "City Hall, then home for cake? Close friends and family only?"

He smiled and nodded, "Carrot cake?"

_"Perfect," _she bit her lip, was it weird that her jaw was starting to ache from smiling? "We need licences, but that won't take long…next week?"

"So soon?" Barba asked, clearly surprised.

"Too soon?" Olivia checked with concern.

_Hell no! _He mouthed silently this time, his eyes burning into hers. "Next weekend sounds perfect."

"Are we crazy?" Olivia grinned.

"I think we're finally making sense," Barba assured and nodded down at Noah. "Time for bed?"

Olivia's eyes danced, "It's only 7…"

"I'm not tired," Barba said needlessly.

"Take him to bed; I'll turn everything off, lock up and meet you back here…" She directed as she leapt up and rushed towards the door.

Barba laughed softly at her retreating form and then carefully picked up Noah.

The tiny boy curled into his side, blinked his little eyes and then smiled up at him, "Da-da?"

Barba's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open a little, "Yes, it's only me, mijo. I'm going to take you to bed, okay? You sleep…"

Noah smiled and nodded, rubbing his face against Barba's shirt like a cat as he was walked through to his bedroom.

Barba carefully placed the little boy into his bed and pulled up his blankets, "You sleep well, mijo. I love you…"

Noah closed his eyes peacefully and snuggled up, "Love 'ou too, Da-da…"

Barba walked through and found Olivia sat on the end of the bed smiling at him. "You okay, sweetheart? You look…dazed."

"Noah, he just said 'I love you, Da-da'," Barba said and smiled at her in wonder.

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes and she stood to walk over and wrap her arms around his neck. "Oh, Rafa, he does…anyone can see he adores you…and you are that little man's daddy, the only real daddy he's ever known."

Barba nodded tearfully and dropped his face onto her shoulder, "It's just so much, he's looking to me now…to us…" He shook his head against her and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, "I didn't have the best example of how to be a father, Liv."

Olivia smiled and burrowed her face into his neck, kissing him comfortingly, "I wasn't kidding yesterday, Rafa, you're already the best daddy I've ever known. You love that little boy."

"And I love his new mommy," Barba added and pulled back to look into her eyes, "…maybe I did learn something from my father, like how not to behave. I promise to treat both of you with respect, Liv, and I promise to work hard every day of my life to show you both how much I love you..."

Olivia's lips cut him off; eagerly devouring his mouth and wrapping him tightly into her arms, "Show me…now…" she smiled against his lips and then started to back towards the bed.

"Gladly," he grinned and began to tug up her top.

Their clothes were quickly disposed of and Barba smiled at her as they moved onto the bed and resumed their previous positions, only this time wrapped in each other's arms, legs tangled and bodies fused together.

"I wasn't sure that you wanted this…" Olivia said softly, running her hand over his hair, "…marriage, and a family."

"I'm not sure I did…" Barba said with a smile and Olivia looked confused, "…I wasn't looking for it with someone, but I _discovered_ it with you."

Her hand stroked down his side and over his ass, rolling her hips against his solid length. Their eyes linked as she rolled back and encouraged him between her legs. She understood what he meant completely, they were so alike, "I'm not sure I ever felt that I wanted or needed a 'husband'…but I know I want you."

Barba nodded earnestly and held her gaze as he pulled back and slowly pushed home, he watched her breath hitch a little and then smiled.

"You feel amazing…." She beamed up at him.

Barba nodded and brushed her lips lightly with soft teasing kisses. "I can't believe you're mine…" he thrust, then paused uncertainly and asked, "Is that okay? I mean…I guess it's a little possessive..." he smiled.

Olivia grinned and then combed her hand into his hair and gripped tightly before whispering against his lips, "Mine!" Then she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, rolled her hips and teasingly added, "My feminist icon."

_TBC..._


	19. I Do

Olivia woke suddenly in the early hours of the morning, the streetlights shone dimly through the drapes and she couldn't place what had woken her at first...but then she heard a quiet moan.

_"'Liv…no…no, please…"_ Barba turned towards her and drew his knees up defensively.

She moved quickly and instinctively into his arms, kissing from his collarbone and up his neck, "Sweetheart, wake up…"

_"No...'Liv…please don't hurt her…anything…I'll give you…"_ It sounded like he was starting to hyperventilate, he tried to push Olivia away and groaned.

"Rafael, wake up for me…you're having a nightmare. I'm right here with you…" She whispered softly near his ear and then moved to press a kiss upon his lips.

"Liv…?" Barba moaned against her mouth and then sobbed.

"I'm here, hold me…hold me tight…" Olivia encouraged as she hooked her leg over his hip and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso.

Barba gasped, buried his face into her throat and then enfolded her in his arms. "'Liv…" he moaned breathlessly against her skin.

"I've got you, honey, we're okay. I need you to breathe with me, can you feel me breathing…slow breaths…okay?" Olivia reassured gently.

He buried his nose against her throat and she could feel his lips trailing her skin anxiously as his breathing began to calm.

"Just a nightmare," she repeated again and held him tightly.

Barba moved up to search for her lips, claiming and kissing her mouth urgently.

Olivia stroked one of her hands soothingly over his damp skin. Their bodies, still languid from sleep and quickly subsiding anxiety, seemed to be merging together.

"He was going to hurt you…" Barba murmured against her lips, "…he was going to take you away from me."

Olivia hummed calmingly, her fingers gripping into his back, "Never…we're going to be married remember? We're going to be a family."

Barba breathed in deeply through his nose and Olivia felt him start to react to her body and strain against her belly.

"Oh, God…'Liv…" Barba groaned and kissed lazily down her neck.

"Yes…" She smiled and turned her face to kiss his temple as she tilted her hips back and encouraged him to push home. She bit her lip at the feeling of his broad length stretching her deliciously. "That's it…" She encouraged and pulled back to look into his eyes for the first time.

"God, you're perfect…" Barba smiled at her tearfully.

"You're okay?" She brought her hand up to trace her fingers over his eyebrow and then down his cheek.

"You're here, so I'm more than okay…" Barba said simply and then slowly rolled his hips.

"Mmmm…" Olivia hummed, "…that feels_ really_ good."

"Yeah?" He smiled and thrust again.

"You feel really good…" She clarified and kissed him.

"I love you…" He whispered softly as he felt her core rhythmically throb around him. A few short thrusts and he came with a quiet moan. He shifted a little as he slipped out of her core, "I'm sorry…let me…" he said quietly as he moved his hand down.

Olivia stopped his arm, "Just sleep, Sweetheart. Hold me."

"But I…" Barba started to contend.

"You felt amazing, Rafa. I'm good. We have a huge day tomorrow," Olivia whispered sleepily and nuzzled into his neck. "Just let me fall asleep like this..."

* * *

"Do you know what today is?" Olivia asked Noah as she sat next to him at the kitchen breakfast bar early the next morning.

Noah looked at her with wide eyes and an attentive smile.

"Today we're going to go to City Hall and I am going to marry your new daddy," Olivia explained.

"Da-da?" Noah asked with a little confusion.

"We're going to become a family…do you know what that means?" Olivia asked.

"Forever?" Noah suggested.

"I'm never going to take the place of your mommy, and I know this might be a little confusing for you, but I hope that you understand that I love you and your new daddy very much," Olivia stumbled through her explanation awkwardly.

"Mama?" Noah asked with a smile and reached out to put his hands on her face.

Olivia felt tears well in her eyes and she smiled at the little boy.

"Sad, Mama 'Liva?" Noah asked with a little pout.

"Happy, Noah, very _very _happy," Olivia confirmed and then lifted him out of his chair and into her arms.

* * *

They all went to City Hall together, Olivia in a simple knee-length pale blue dress and Barba in a complementary blue suit, neither of them were worried about superstition and ultimately they wanted this to be a family day.

Fin, Rollins and Carisi met them on the steps, all of them smiling broadly. They were soon joined by Lucia Barba, who took proud responsibility for Noah.

"I've gotta give you this - you guys took a while to get started, but now you're in you're really all in!" Rollins teased and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Well, we're also building a solid legal groundwork for the adoption next year," Barba explained, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed by Rollin's spirited feedback.

"My Rafael, he's such a romantic…" Olivia laughed, rolled her eyes and put her arm around him.

Barba smirked, then leaned to kiss her temple and added, "Well that…and as soon as the woman of my dreams said 'yes' I wanted to make sure I got the legal contracts signed before she realised that she could do better."

Olivia laughed and leaned into his side, "Not even _possible,"_ she assured.

* * *

The ceremony was fast and functional – there were no-frills and definitely no heartfelt personally written vows. Olivia agreed wholeheartedly with Barba's argument that sentimentality and romantic declarations could be saved to share in private. Besides, Olivia didn't need words - the look in his eyes when they exchanged their vows told her everything she needed to know.

Later that evening, Noah sat happily on his Abuelita's lap, he looked around with fascination at the room full of people and smiled.

Olivia heard a knock at the door and found Donald Cragen waiting on the other side with a bouquet of flowers and a huge box of chocolates.

"Oh God, it's good to see you, it's been far too long!" She said as her arms wrapped around her old friend.

"Good to see you too, Liv…" He said and then smiled at her warmly as they pulled back. "Olivia Benson - married with a child, I'm so pleased for you."

Olivia laughed, "Love is a powerful thing."

"Barba?" Cragen said with a smile, "…I'm not sure I saw that one coming."

Olivia's eyes glowed at the mention of her new husband, _"Kismet."_

Cragen smiled as they walked through and then he was taken aback by the sight of Barba lifting Noah up off his mother's lap and into his arms. He watched the ADA talk attentively to the little boy, then pick up a stuffed toy and hand it to him before turning towards them and grinning adoringly at Olivia.

Seeing that Cragen had arrived he held his hand up to wave politely before walking over. "I'm glad you could make it," he greeted warmly as he shifted Noah onto his hip and shook Cragen's hand.

"My wife is staying with her grandchildren for a few days, but I wouldn't miss this," Cragen explained and smiled at Olivia. "So how is married life treating you, Barba?"

Barba shrugged, "Well, it's only been a few hours…but so far I'd say I'm taking to it just fine."

"Well, that's a relief to hear!" Olivia grinned.

Cragen watched Barba lean in to kiss her, "I think maybe you can stay," he teased and Olivia's eyes danced playfully.

Noah tugged at Barba's shirt, "Da-da, hung'y…"

Barba smiled at him and nodded, "Sorry, mijo, I was about to sort out your dinner wasn't I?"

Cragen greeted the little boy, "Hello, little man, did I distract your daddy?"

Olivia leaned in and kissed Noah's head, then ran her hand down the side of Barba's neck affectionately, "Do you want me to put him down to sleep afterwards?"

Barba shook his head, "I'll sort him out...I've promised a bedtime story."

She smiled and nodded, silently acknowledging the Barba was probably ready to take a break away from the chaos for a little while, "Okay, you boys have fun together."

Barba nodded, then she watched them walk away.

Cragen smiled at her, "He's a good man, 'Liv," he observed.

"The best man I've ever known," Olivia enhanced warmly, "…and a wonderful father. He's so good for me, and I adore him."

Her old boss nodded happily and couldn't help but pull Olivia in for another hug, "It's wonderful to see you so happy."

* * *

Olivia closed the door on their last guest, then sighed and rested her head against the smooth wood.

"Tired, Mrs Barba?" Barba asked coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

Olivia grinned and leaned back against him, "It's been a long day, Mr Benson."

Barba laughed softly and nuzzled into her neck, kissing her skin and breathing in her scent. Olivia felt a shot of electricity down her spine and her knees buckled a little.

"Barba-Benson?" He tried again, his hands trailing over her belly and then slowly sliding across to pull down the zip on the side of her dress.

Olivia gasped when his warm hand slipped inside her dress and up to cup one of her breasts. "Benson…oh God…Barba?" She countered a little breathlessly.

"Noah Benson-Barba, I like it…" Barba agreed and smiled against her jugular before turning her quickly and pushing Olivia against the door, "Hello, Olivia Benson-Barba."

"Hi," Olivia smiled as he teasingly kissed her lips and then pulled away a little. "Have I ever told you that you're absolutely fucking gorgeous?" She started walking him back towards the living area, slipping open buttons on his shirt as they went. "I think I've done very well for myself…"

Barba smirked, "Really? Well, I still think I'm batting way out of my league, but I'm going to stop trying to convince you of that, just in case one day you actually start believing me."

Olivia laughed, "Not possible," she assured confidently, "Not only are you serious eye candy, Rafael Barba, you're also the best lay I've ever had…"

He laughed now and arched an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

She nodded with mock solemnity, "Absolutely. I mean, the guys in my past…whatever their names were…they tried their best…bless their hearts…but they never had what you have..." Her hand slid between them to stroke over his length.

"Oh yeah?" Barba asked, his breath catching as they stopped in front of the couch and she grinned at him.

"Yeah…" She confirmed more seriously and then moved her hand away, linking with his and then placing his palm on her chest, over her heart.

"Want to move this to the bedroom?" Barba asked a little breathlessly.

Olivia smirked, "We don't have long until the sides are taken off Noah's bed…"

Barba tilted his head in confusion.

"So then we'll have to get a lock for our door and restrict activities to certain areas…" Olivia smiled.

"So…?" Barba asked, starting to catch on.

"So, I was thinking how much I'd love to fuck you on this very expensive looking couch of yours…" Olivia grinned hungrily.

"Couch of ours," Barba contended as he began to slip her dress off her shoulders.

"So this couch is mine?" Olivia grinned and nodded down at said couch while she tugged apart the rest of the little buttons on his shirt.

"Yours," Barba confirmed laughing happily.

"So the bed? I guess that's mine too?" She smiled and pulled at his belt, making short work of loosening it and then moving on to his zip.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to make yourself at _home_ in my bed…" Barba murmured as he watched her dress drop to the floor and his eyes scanned hungrily over her matching set of silk underwear. "Dios, you're _exquisite…" _He added as she pulled down his pants and then pushed him back to drop onto the couch.

Olivia smiled and sank to her knees in front of him, "And this? Is this mine?" She nodded at his cock, straining up towards her against his boxers.

"Yours," Barba choked out a laugh and then groaned when Olivia slinked over him teasingly. Her breasts pressed against his stomach as her lips touched the centre of his chest.

"Mine?" She asked looking up at him with moist eyes.

"Always…" He confirmed, "…everything…always."

"Who needs wedding vows?" Olivia smiled and moved up to straddle his lap.

Barba's hands came to her thighs and gripped firmly, "I think I've died and gone to heaven…" his eyes rolled back as the wet silk covering her core came into contact with his straining length.

"Te amo," Olivia smiled and leaned down, taking her time to run her tongue along his lips and then nibble softly before falling into a slow exploring kiss.

His hands moved around to tug down the back of her panties and grip her ass, but then he heard an unexpected rip and he looked up at her with a contrite smile.

"Did you _seriously_ just rip my underwear?" Olivia asked with an amused smirk.

"Guilty…" Barba laughed and dropped his face to her shoulder.

Olivia laughed and ran her fingers into his hair, "Rafa, you animal!"

Barba shook with silent laughter and then grazed his teeth on her collarbone, "You must bring out the monster in me…"

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finishing this story off with a little jump forward in time for the final chapter next week. 
> 
> I just wanted to add thanks to 'sweetgirl' for the idea about including Sheila in this story. I liked the idea but felt by this point they were a little too secure in their relationship to mess with them too much, and certainly not without extending the story by many chapters. I will be including Sheila as a source of angst in my new story though so thanks for the inspiration!


	20. Epilogue

The judge looked up at them and smiled as she walked into court and took her seat, "Mr Barba, I assume that you will be representing yourself in this matter?"

Barba nodded, "I will...and if it pleases the court I would like to commence the adoption process for Noah Porter."

"Daddy, that's me!" Noah grinned up at him from Olivia's lap and Barba glanced down and allowed a brief smile to steal over his face before straightening his expression and looking back up at the smiling judge.

"That greatly pleases the court, Mr Barba," Judge Linden responded warmly and glanced down at her notes. "I'm happy to see that your wife," she looked up and smiled pointedly at Olivia, "has also filled out the necessary paperwork."

"We have been living together as a family for just over a year, your honor, and recently moved into a new family home…" Barba continued formally and selected several tabbed sheets of paper and passed them to the bailiff.

The judge received the papers and skimmed them. "ADA Barba, you and Lieutenant Benson have already jumped through all of the hoops laid before you…I assure you that this is merely a formality." She smiled at Noah, "Are you ready to go home with your mommy and daddy?"

Noah smiled at the unfamiliar lady and grabbed hold of Olivia's jacket, "Mommy!"

"I think that's a yes," she smiled at Barba, as a ripple of laughter and comments flowed through the courtroom.

Barba smirked at the judge and then looked down at his son, "Noah is always eager to share his opinions…"

The judge laughed, "Well based on your reputation, I'm pleased to hear that he is already taking after his father, the court hopes that he continues to acquire more of your many positive attributes, Mr Barba," she smiled at Olivia, "…and, of course, those of your wife. He has quite a power-couple to show him the way – despite having a difficult start in life I believe that he is an extremely lucky little boy."

Barba looked as surprised as he felt at hearing such a personal endorsement from the judge.

"With the best interests of the child in mind, this court ordered a probationary period of twelve months in order for Noah's status to be confirmed and the necessary child welfare investigations to take place. Upon finalization of this adoption, the adoptive parents will obtain the same rights and responsibilities with respect to the child that biological parents typically have, and the parental relationship is not subject to revocation. After a period specified by New York State law, the adoption proceeding cannot be reopened, absent fraud or significant procedural irregularity; incompatibility or the second thoughts of any party cannot serve as the basis of reopening the proceeding." The judge looked up and both Barba and Olivia nodded and smiled. "Okay…so paperwork will be signed in my chambers, but I would like to officially wish your little family a bright and prosperous future, Mr Barba. The court is adjourned."

Olivia looked up at Barba and he smiled down at her as he closed up his files and paperwork.

"Is that really it?" She asked.

He ran his hand over Noah's head then leaned down and kissed her, "You heard the judge, there are a few things to sign in her chambers but otherwise, that's it!"

She stood and wrapped one arm around Barba, snuggling Noah into his chest as she leaned her face into the crook of his neck and then kissed him. "It shouldn't feel different, but it does…he's ours now."

"Ours…" Barba agreed and smiled when he saw some of their friends and his mother grinning happily at them. He kissed Olivia again and then kissed Noah's head. "We're going to go and visit the nice lady, Noah, would you like to wait with your Abuelita?" He asked Noah.

Noah smiled at him and held his arms out.

Olivia laughed, "He's not going to fall for that, mi alma, he wants his Papi."

Barba smiled, put his bag over his shoulder and then took Noah into his arms, "Going to give Mommy's arms a rest?" He asked the little boy.

Noah smiled and rested his head on Barba's chest, "Daddy, party?

Barba reached out his free hand to Olivia as they walked towards Judge Linden's chambers. Her hand slipped into his and their fingers laced together, he leaned over and kissed her temple and then looked down at Noah. "We're going to have a little party when we get home, mijo."

"Build den?" Noah asked as he traced his fingers over the patterns on his daddy's tie.

Barba laughed, "I'm not sure that is a party game, mijo," they paused by the door and he smirked at Olivia then looked down to bargain with his son, "..maybe we could save den building until tomorrow?"

Noah smiled and then nodded, "'Kay…cus'ard?"

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes, "Yes, baby…you can definitely have custard."

* * *

As the party went on around them Barba and Noah sat at their kitchen island and happily shared a small glass bowl of custard with one teaspoon. Olivia tried her best to socialise and mingle with their guests, but her eyes kept drifting over to them.

"Don't let us keep you," Rollin said with a warm smile, "…we have access to your bar, go and spend some time with your men."

Olivia smiled and bit her lip, "It wouldn't be rude?"

Rollins laughed, "This party is to celebrate your family, everyone here is more than familiar with the fact that when Rafael or Noah are in the room we don't stand a chance of holding your focus."

"I'm glad Barba didn't stay on as our ADA, we'd never get any damn work done," Fin added dryly, but his smirk assured Olivia that he was joking.

"My husband was the best ADA we've ever had and don't even try to deny that," Olivia said with a quirk of her eyebrow as she began to step away.

All three of her detectives smiled and acknowledged her point in their own unique way.

Olivia walked away from her friends and towards the kitchen area. She moved behind Barba and smiled at Noah as she wrapped her arms around her husband's shoulders and kissed his neck. "All those years of blissful independence…" she mused teasingly, "…now I can't even last thirty minutes with my friends without constantly being distracted by my gorgeous family."

Barba chuckled and leaned back into Olivia as he held out a spoon of warm custard for his son. Noah ate the spoon full of custard happily and then smiled. Barba dipped into the bowl and then held the spoon back for Olivia, she laughed and then ate the custard.

"I think Noah has the right idea, champagne is overrated," Barba observed and then turned to kiss her lips, "…we should celebrate all of our future landmarks with custard."

Olivia laughed and Noah picked up on the festive atmosphere and joined in.

They were all laughing when Lucia walked over to join them, "I think I'm missing out on the _real_ party over here!"

Barba beamed up at his mom and Lucia couldn't stop the tears from welling in her eyes. In all of his years of success, she had never seen her son even half as happy as she'd seen him over the past year. "How is work?" She asked him with genuine interest.

Barba leaned his head back against Olivia, who's arms were still resting on his shoulder. "Good. There have been a lot of changes…I might be on track to make judge within a few years."

"Oh sweetheart, that's wonderful!" Lucia said joyfully.

"It seems that even in these modern times having a wife and child has the power to push you forward at work," Barba rolled his eyes.

Olivia laughed, "I guess we're considered a stabilising influence," she teased.

"Judge Barba, your Abuelita would be so proud," Lucia smiled warmly.

"Judge _Benson-Barba,"_ Barba corrected with a smile and then reached up and covered Olivia's hand with his own.

"Ba-ba!" Noah parroted with a broad grin and bounced in his chair.

Olivia laughed, "He hasn't called you that in months!"

"I've missed it," Barba observed, "…but nothing beats Daddy."

"I miss squabbling with Barba at work," Olivia agreed, "…but _nothing_ beats squabbling with Rafael at home."

"Till we're 85?" Barba asked with a smile.

"100 at least," Olivia assured.

**THE END**


End file.
